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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Oh, hello, there.
Are all of you people married?
4
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:46,454
That's nice.
5
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:01,594
Are you alone?
6
00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:05,096
He's out getting you popcorn?
7
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,476
Well...
8
00:01:20,659 --> 00:01:22,534
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
9
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,160
Pretty, aren't they?
10
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,553
Haven't you any better way
to spend your money?
11
00:03:09,852 --> 00:03:11,679
Good morning... Madam.
12
00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:15,146
Well, it's not the best morning,
and it's not the worst.
13
00:03:15,607 --> 00:03:17,601
That wedding ring you have
in the window,
14
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,728
gold, with the twelve stones,
15
00:03:19,862 --> 00:03:21,273
the lovers' knot...
16
00:03:21,405 --> 00:03:24,905
Looking is one thing, madam,
buying is another.
17
00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:27,110
Your credit isn't exactly
what I would consider...
18
00:03:27,244 --> 00:03:30,080
Oh, references, Mr Duckworth,
references are a natural request
19
00:03:30,247 --> 00:03:33,913
of the business person.
No one knows that better than I.
20
00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:37,705
- My card.
- "Mrs Dolly Levi."
21
00:03:38,005 --> 00:03:41,291
- Born Gallagher.
- "Varicose veins reduced."
22
00:03:41,425 --> 00:03:44,877
- Oh! Oh, I beg your pardon.
- "Consultations free."
23
00:03:45,012 --> 00:03:46,258
I meant to give you this one.
24
00:03:46,388 --> 00:03:48,963
"Mrs Dolly Gallagher Levi.
Investment counsellor.
25
00:03:49,099 --> 00:03:53,050
"Chinese securities a speciality.
Runaway husbands traced."
26
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:56,389
You do all these things, Mrs Levi?
27
00:03:56,815 --> 00:04:00,232
Well, two and two make four,
Mr Duckworth, and they always have.
28
00:04:00,777 --> 00:04:03,316
Now, shall we look at the ring?
29
00:04:03,447 --> 00:04:06,532
- I'm really looking at it for a friend.
- Yeah.
30
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:12,529
Someone who may marry
Yonkers' leading citizen, you know,
31
00:04:12,664 --> 00:04:15,501
the wealthy and famous
Mr Horace Vandergelder.
32
00:04:15,626 --> 00:04:18,332
It's 14 carat solid gold, with stones.
33
00:04:18,462 --> 00:04:20,041
Oh, so it is.
34
00:04:20,589 --> 00:04:23,591
Mr Vandergelder asked me
to find him a wife,
35
00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:25,166
and so...
36
00:04:26,053 --> 00:04:31,179
My, my, that old, old feeling.
37
00:04:31,308 --> 00:04:33,385
Would you mind taking it off, Mrs Levi?
38
00:04:34,269 --> 00:04:36,310
Oh, no. No, not at all,
39
00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:41,191
but I wouldn't put it back in the window
if I were you,
40
00:04:41,318 --> 00:04:43,146
because someone might be in
41
00:04:43,278 --> 00:04:46,944
very, very soon to buy it.
42
00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:53,113
I can't understand it. They always
don't seem to want to come off.
43
00:04:53,247 --> 00:04:55,786
Well, if it doesn't come off,
44
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:58,918
it'll cost you $89.50.
45
00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:01,002
I don't have $89.50.
46
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,538
Then marry somebody who does!
47
00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:08,668
Mr Duckworth,
I was very happily married once,
48
00:05:09,304 --> 00:05:12,093
and I have no intention
of getting married again.
49
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:15,179
Not even if the man got down
on his knees and begged me.
50
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:17,980
I wouldn't even marry
Horace Vandergelder himself.
51
00:05:18,105 --> 00:05:19,683
Good day, Mr Duckworth.
52
00:05:31,076 --> 00:05:34,162
What I just told Mr Duckworth
about marrying Horace Vandergelder
53
00:05:34,288 --> 00:05:35,783
wasn't exactly the truth.
54
00:05:37,291 --> 00:05:41,159
But, you know, you have to say
certain things for public consumption.
55
00:05:42,212 --> 00:05:43,838
I'm a matchmaker.
56
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:48,923
That's a woman who arranges things,
primarily matrimonial.
57
00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:52,384
At present,
I'm arranging the domestic affairs
58
00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:54,057
of Mr Horace Vandergelder.
59
00:05:54,183 --> 00:05:58,133
And for that I get,
well, shall we call it, little pickings?
60
00:05:59,771 --> 00:06:04,316
I need little pickings very badly,
particularly now.
61
00:06:04,443 --> 00:06:07,528
I haven't even got my fare back home
to New York.
62
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:17,575
Life is never quite interesting enough,
somehow.
63
00:06:18,582 --> 00:06:21,288
You people who come to the movies
know that.
64
00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,993
So, I rearrange things a little.
65
00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:33,966
Nature isn't satisfactory quite,
and so it has to be corrected.
66
00:06:34,556 --> 00:06:39,136
So, I put my hand in here
and my hand in there,
67
00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:45,442
and I listen and I watch,
and sometimes I'm very amused.
68
00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:52,522
For example, right now I'm interested
in Horace Vandergelder
69
00:06:52,658 --> 00:06:55,280
and all that idle, frozen money of his.
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00:06:56,912 --> 00:07:00,662
I don't like the idea of it lying
in great piles in the bank,
71
00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:03,374
you know, motionless, idle.
72
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,459
Money should trinkle down
among people, like rainwater.
73
00:07:07,589 --> 00:07:08,871
You see what I mean?
74
00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:12,885
Why don't you go over
to Vandergelder's?
75
00:07:13,846 --> 00:07:15,923
I've got to go pick up my fur piece.
76
00:07:30,696 --> 00:07:33,402
- Hold still, Mr Vandergelder!
- Come in!
77
00:07:35,909 --> 00:07:37,108
Who are you?
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00:07:38,245 --> 00:07:41,330
Malachi Stack, your honour.
I heard you wanted an apprentice
79
00:07:41,457 --> 00:07:44,079
in the feed, hay, provisions
and hardware business.
80
00:07:44,209 --> 00:07:46,037
An apprentice at your age?
81
00:07:46,211 --> 00:07:49,498
Yes, your honour.
I bring a lot of experience to it.
82
00:07:49,631 --> 00:07:51,340
Have you any
letters of recommendation?
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00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,460
Yes, indeed, your honour!
84
00:07:54,219 --> 00:07:58,716
First-class recommendations.
This is from your former competitor,
85
00:07:58,891 --> 00:08:01,217
Joshua Van Tyl in Albany.
86
00:08:01,351 --> 00:08:04,472
"For the most part,
he is honest and reliable,
87
00:08:06,857 --> 00:08:09,349
"occasionally willing and diligent."
88
00:08:09,485 --> 00:08:11,727
You read remarkably well, sir.
89
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:14,734
- Do you drink?
- No, thanks. I just had breakfast.
90
00:08:14,865 --> 00:08:18,199
I didn't ask you to have a drink.
I asked if you were a drunkard.
91
00:08:18,327 --> 00:08:20,155
No, sir. No.
92
00:08:20,287 --> 00:08:22,826
Liquor and I parted company
a long time ago.
93
00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:25,958
If you ever meet again,
you'll part company with me.
94
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:27,957
If it'll please your honour,
95
00:08:28,086 --> 00:08:30,413
I'll even cut down
on my consumption of water.
96
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:34,712
See that you do. Well, I'll give you a try.
97
00:08:36,136 --> 00:08:37,964
- Here's $1.
- Thank you, sir!
98
00:08:38,096 --> 00:08:40,386
It's not for you!
99
00:08:40,516 --> 00:08:43,601
In 10 minutes a train leaves
for New York. Be on it!
100
00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:47,097
And take that bag to the Central Hotel.
Have them save me a room.
101
00:08:47,231 --> 00:08:49,557
- Wait for me there.
- Yes, sir, Mr Vandergelder.
102
00:08:49,691 --> 00:08:53,061
And you'll never regret it.
You'll see. You'll see.
103
00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:57,241
- I'm beginning to regret it already.
- I'm as handy as a pocket.
104
00:09:00,327 --> 00:09:03,578
Joe, go over to that trapdoor
and stamp three times.
105
00:09:03,705 --> 00:09:05,995
I want to talk to Cornelius.
106
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:17,344
Yes, Mr Vandergelder?
107
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:21,420
- Cornelius, today I'm going to New York.
- Yes, Mr Vandergelder.
108
00:09:21,682 --> 00:09:22,679
Before I go,
109
00:09:23,058 --> 00:09:25,467
I have something important to say to you
and Barnaby.
110
00:09:25,894 --> 00:09:26,891
Good news.
111
00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:29,847
I was thinking of promoting you
to chief clerk.
112
00:09:31,942 --> 00:09:33,983
What am I now, Mr Vandergelder?
113
00:09:34,111 --> 00:09:36,567
You're an impertinent fool,
that's what you are!
114
00:09:36,697 --> 00:09:37,729
Now, if you behave yourself,
115
00:09:37,865 --> 00:09:40,736
I'll promote you from impertinent fool
to chief clerk.
116
00:09:40,868 --> 00:09:42,992
Barnaby may be promoted
from idiot apprentice
117
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,366
to incompetent clerk.
118
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,873
Thank you, Mr Vandergelder.
119
00:09:47,624 --> 00:09:50,377
Is there any increase in salary
that goes with this new title?
120
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,496
Money? Money? Money?
121
00:09:52,629 --> 00:09:55,299
Are you asking for more money,
Mr Hackl?
122
00:09:55,424 --> 00:09:57,548
Why,
in Europe they pay fortunes for titles,
123
00:09:57,843 --> 00:09:59,718
and I'm giving you one for nothing!
124
00:10:00,095 --> 00:10:02,136
I don't know what I could have been
thinking of, Mr Vandergelder.
125
00:10:04,975 --> 00:10:07,597
The world is getting crazier
every minute, Joe.
126
00:10:07,728 --> 00:10:11,596
Like my father used to say,
horses'll be taking over the world soon.
127
00:10:12,107 --> 00:10:14,350
I did everything I could,
Mr Vandergelder,
128
00:10:14,485 --> 00:10:16,110
what with you flying
in and out of the chair.
129
00:10:16,987 --> 00:10:19,111
Fine, fine.
130
00:10:19,615 --> 00:10:21,655
You did a fine job, Joe.
131
00:10:21,783 --> 00:10:24,655
The same fine job you've done me
for 20 years.
132
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:32,290
A tip, Joe. You've earned it.
133
00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:37,505
- A nickel, after 20 years.
- Joe.
134
00:10:41,929 --> 00:10:44,218
I've got a special reason
for looking my best today.
135
00:10:45,224 --> 00:10:47,632
Isn't there something
a little extra you can do,
136
00:10:47,768 --> 00:10:49,228
something a little special?
137
00:10:49,353 --> 00:10:52,520
Now, I'll pay you right up to 25 cents,
see what I mean?
138
00:10:52,648 --> 00:10:55,899
Now, do some of the things you do
for those young fellas.
139
00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:58,981
You know, touch me up.
Smarten me up a bit.
140
00:10:59,112 --> 00:11:02,364
All I know is 15 cents worth,
like usual, Mr Vandergelder,
141
00:11:02,491 --> 00:11:05,160
and that includes everything
that's decent to do to a man.
142
00:11:05,285 --> 00:11:08,122
- Now hold your horses, Joe.
- And I don't dye hair.
143
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:12,957
I'm going to tell you a secret.
All I ask is a little extra because
144
00:11:14,378 --> 00:11:16,371
I'm thinking of getting married again.
145
00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:18,380
And this very afternoon,
I'm going into New York City
146
00:11:18,507 --> 00:11:22,802
to call on my intended,
a very refined lady.
147
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:27,760
Your getting married
is none of my business,
148
00:11:27,891 --> 00:11:29,137
Mr Vandergelder.
149
00:11:29,685 --> 00:11:31,477
I've done everything to you I know.
150
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:36,351
And the charge was 15 cents
like it always was.
151
00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:38,062
Joe, you're a fool.
152
00:11:38,527 --> 00:11:41,979
Looks to me like you're pretty rash
to judge which is fools
153
00:11:42,114 --> 00:11:44,321
and which isn't fools, Mr Vandergelder.
154
00:11:45,784 --> 00:11:50,827
People that's ate onions is bad judges
of who's ate onions and who ain't.
155
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:52,453
I give you good morning.
156
00:12:11,018 --> 00:12:14,470
99% of the people in the world are fools
157
00:12:14,605 --> 00:12:17,607
and the rest of us
are in great danger of contagion.
158
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:23,145
I was not always free of foolishness
as I am now.
159
00:12:23,697 --> 00:12:26,189
I was once young, which was foolish.
160
00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:30,869
I fell in love, which was foolish.
And I got married, which was foolish.
161
00:12:30,996 --> 00:12:32,278
And for a while I was poor,
162
00:12:32,414 --> 00:12:34,574
which was more foolish
than all the other things put together.
163
00:12:37,586 --> 00:12:41,501
Then my wife died,
which was foolish of her.
164
00:12:43,091 --> 00:12:46,177
I grew older and became a rich man,
which was sensible of me.
165
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:48,797
Since you see I'm a man of sense,
166
00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:53,766
I guess you're surprised to hear
that I'm going to get married again.
167
00:12:54,645 --> 00:12:57,101
Well, I have two reasons for it.
168
00:12:57,231 --> 00:13:00,766
In the first place,
I like my house run well,
169
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:03,477
with order, comfort and economy.
170
00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:07,109
That's a woman's work,
but even a woman can't do it well
171
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:08,570
if she's merely being paid for it.
172
00:13:09,451 --> 00:13:10,733
In order to run a house well,
173
00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:14,116
a woman must have the feeling
that she owns it.
174
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,164
So, marriage is a bribe
175
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,458
to make a housekeeper think
she's a householder.
176
00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:24,038
And my second reason?
177
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:26,844
Well, there's nothing like
mixing with women
178
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:29,638
to bring out all the foolishness
in a man of sense.
179
00:13:29,763 --> 00:13:31,306
And I'm willing to take that risk.
180
00:13:32,141 --> 00:13:33,387
I just turned 60,
181
00:13:34,059 --> 00:13:38,473
and I just laid side by side
the last dollar of my first quarter-million.
182
00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:42,276
So, if I should lose my head a little,
183
00:13:42,943 --> 00:13:44,984
I'd still have enough
to buy it back again.
184
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:50,232
Yes, like all you other fools,
185
00:13:51,577 --> 00:13:55,160
I'm willing to risk a little security
for a certain amount of
186
00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:57,155
adventure.
187
00:14:01,795 --> 00:14:03,421
Think it over.
188
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:10,971
- Good morning, Cornelius.
- Good morning, Mrs Levi.
189
00:14:11,096 --> 00:14:14,846
- Mr Vandergelder still in his office?
- Yes, but he's going to New York today.
190
00:14:24,026 --> 00:14:27,147
Horace Vandergelder,
the handsome business executive.
191
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:32,696
Well, it seems to me you grow younger
and more attractive every day.
192
00:14:32,826 --> 00:14:34,535
Well, thank you now, Mrs Levi.
193
00:14:34,661 --> 00:14:38,909
- Do you think the colour suits me?
- Oh, do stripes suit a zebra?
194
00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:43,295
- Youth and vigour, you have them both.
- Oh, I'll never see...
195
00:14:43,712 --> 00:14:46,418
- Fifty-five again.
- Oh, 55!
196
00:14:46,548 --> 00:14:47,794
I can see you at 100,
197
00:14:47,925 --> 00:14:50,499
standing around
eating five meals a day.
198
00:14:51,094 --> 00:14:53,800
You know,
I'm a very good judge of hands.
199
00:14:53,931 --> 00:14:55,640
Show me yours, Mr Vandergelder.
200
00:15:00,103 --> 00:15:03,556
- Lord in Heaven! What a lifeline!
- Where?
201
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:06,645
From here to here.
It runs right off your hand.
202
00:15:06,777 --> 00:15:08,569
I don't know where it goes.
203
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:11,487
They'll have to hit you
over the head with a mallet.
204
00:15:12,658 --> 00:15:13,690
Yeah.
205
00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:15,321
Oh, yes.
206
00:15:15,661 --> 00:15:18,497
Well, now,
shall we get down to business?
207
00:15:18,622 --> 00:15:19,619
What business?
208
00:15:19,748 --> 00:15:22,536
About your getting married again.
You haven't forgotten?
209
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:25,044
Not at all, Mrs Levi.
210
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:28,006
I've practically decided
to ask Irene Molloy to be my wife.
211
00:15:28,132 --> 00:15:30,968
Irene... Molloy? You have?
212
00:15:31,093 --> 00:15:32,374
Yes, I have.
213
00:15:32,511 --> 00:15:36,213
Well, that's just about the best news
I've ever heard.
214
00:15:36,723 --> 00:15:38,468
I guess there's nothing left for me to do,
215
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:43,144
but just wish you every happiness
under the sun and say goodbye.
216
00:15:43,272 --> 00:15:44,850
Goodbye.
217
00:15:45,357 --> 00:15:49,771
I guess I better throw this in the stove.
218
00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:54,317
Oh, no, I can't.
219
00:15:55,784 --> 00:15:57,445
You'll have to do it for me.
220
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,420
Well, be sure and send me
a wedding invitation,
221
00:16:06,545 --> 00:16:07,542
Mr Vandergelder.
222
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,169
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
223
00:16:12,843 --> 00:16:15,300
- Who's this?
- Well, I had another suggestion to make
224
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,054
but I won't.
You're going to marry someone else,
225
00:16:17,181 --> 00:16:19,507
- so that closes...
- Who is this?
226
00:16:26,064 --> 00:16:29,517
Well, I had found you this other girl.
227
00:16:29,985 --> 00:16:32,394
- Her? She?
- Oh, yes, yes. A wonderful girl.
228
00:16:32,529 --> 00:16:33,645
The ideal wife.
229
00:16:34,323 --> 00:16:37,823
That was her high school
graduation picture.
230
00:16:43,415 --> 00:16:45,824
- What's her name?
- Oh, her name.
231
00:16:48,337 --> 00:16:50,461
Ernestina, simple.
232
00:16:50,589 --> 00:16:52,879
Miss Ernestina Simple.
233
00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:56,090
But now you're engaged to Irene Molloy,
234
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:58,260
well, practically engaged.
235
00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:01,506
I am not engaged to Miss Molloy.
236
00:17:01,642 --> 00:17:03,682
Nonsense, Mr Vandergelder. Nonsense.
237
00:17:03,811 --> 00:17:06,647
You can't break poor Irene's heart
and then take another girl.
238
00:17:06,772 --> 00:17:08,315
Oh, no. No, Mr Vandergelder.
239
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,315
When a man at your time of life
240
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:14,820
sends a milliner a pot of geraniums,
that's practically an engagement.
241
00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:19,859
- That is not an engagement!
- Still, I wish you were free.
242
00:17:20,536 --> 00:17:23,703
Oh, this treasure of a girl.
As a matter of fact,
243
00:17:23,831 --> 00:17:25,290
she's already in love with you.
244
00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,000
Oh, and her with a private income
245
00:17:28,127 --> 00:17:30,500
- from investments.
- At her age?
246
00:17:30,629 --> 00:17:32,089
Oh, Mr Vandergelder.
247
00:17:32,214 --> 00:17:34,172
At seven,
she was known as the girl wizard
248
00:17:34,299 --> 00:17:35,296
of Wall Street.
249
00:17:36,802 --> 00:17:40,670
Of course, she's a very different idea
from your Irene Molloy.
250
00:17:40,848 --> 00:17:45,142
Like her name, Ernestina is,
you know, simple.
251
00:17:45,561 --> 00:17:47,554
- Can she cook?
- Cook?
252
00:17:48,272 --> 00:17:51,274
Mr Vandergelder,
I've had two meals from her hands
253
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,681
and I don't know what I've done
254
00:17:52,901 --> 00:17:55,191
that God should reward me
with such meals.
255
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,319
Shoulder of beef, four cents a pound,
dogs wouldn't eat,
256
00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:02,535
but when Ernestina
passes her hands over it...
257
00:18:03,245 --> 00:18:06,282
- And I'm alive to tell it.
- How old is she?
258
00:18:06,415 --> 00:18:11,166
Nineteen. Well, say 20.
259
00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:14,039
Twenty, Mrs Levi?
260
00:18:14,173 --> 00:18:17,210
Why, girls of 20 are apt to favour
young fellows of their own age.
261
00:18:17,342 --> 00:18:20,131
- She doesn't sound usual.
- Usual?
262
00:18:20,304 --> 00:18:23,056
Do you know the sort of pictures
she has on her wall?
263
00:18:23,182 --> 00:18:26,967
Is it any of these young Romeos
and Lochinvars? No.
264
00:18:27,436 --> 00:18:30,354
Moses on the mountain,
that's what she's got.
265
00:18:30,481 --> 00:18:31,680
And if you wanted to make her happy,
266
00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:34,605
you just give her a picture
of Methuselah
267
00:18:34,735 --> 00:18:36,645
surrounded by his grandchildren.
268
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:41,983
What are her, as you say,
personal habits?
269
00:18:42,576 --> 00:18:44,451
- Is she extravagant?
- Listen.
270
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:49,284
While she cooks like a great chef,
you know what she eats herself?
271
00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:50,698
Apples and lettuce.
272
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,127
That saves you 2,000 a year right there.
273
00:18:56,340 --> 00:19:00,635
And secondly,
she makes all her own clothes,
274
00:19:00,928 --> 00:19:04,214
you know, from old tablecloths
and window curtains.
275
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:08,515
And she's the best-dressed woman
in Brooklyn this minute.
276
00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:11,809
- What's her family?
- Oh, her father,
277
00:19:11,939 --> 00:19:17,527
oh, God be good to him, he was the...
Oh, what am I trying to say?
278
00:19:17,861 --> 00:19:22,904
He was the best...
The best undertaker in all of Brooklyn.
279
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:25,952
Respected, esteemed,
knew all the best people.
280
00:19:26,203 --> 00:19:27,402
Oh, knew them well,
281
00:19:27,996 --> 00:19:29,492
even when they were alive.
282
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:33,583
So, that's the way it is.
283
00:19:34,128 --> 00:19:39,289
Well, I'm not going to say another thing.
You couldn't, by any chance,
284
00:19:39,466 --> 00:19:43,216
- come to New York this afternoon?
- I was thinking of coming to New York
285
00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:45,967
- this very morning.
- Oh, you were?
286
00:19:46,098 --> 00:19:49,183
Well, now let's see if something
couldn't be arranged.
287
00:19:49,434 --> 00:19:51,891
She's so eager to meet you.
Let me think.
288
00:19:52,062 --> 00:19:54,435
- Could I...
- Yes. Yes, go on.
289
00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:59,403
Could I, Mrs Levi,
arrange a little dinner, perhaps?
290
00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:01,687
- If you could arrange it?
- Well, I don't know.
291
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:04,777
I'm so busy now, you know,
with that wretched lawsuit of mine.
292
00:20:05,159 --> 00:20:07,152
But I don't mind telling you
that if I win it,
293
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:09,955
I'll be known as what's called
a very rich woman.
294
00:20:10,747 --> 00:20:12,871
I'll own half of Long Island.
295
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,286
But, in the meantime,
I'm just at my wit's end, you know,
296
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:20,004
to get a little money.
You know, just enough
297
00:20:20,132 --> 00:20:24,000
to help me finish off the case.
I'm just at my wit's end.
298
00:20:24,678 --> 00:20:27,881
Well, maybe I could arrange something.
We'll see.
299
00:20:28,765 --> 00:20:32,551
You know, about the lawsuit,
all I need is $50
300
00:20:32,728 --> 00:20:36,228
- and Long Island is as good as mine.
- Fifty dollars!
301
00:20:36,356 --> 00:20:38,765
But, Mr Vandergelder,
I've been trotting all over New York
302
00:20:38,901 --> 00:20:43,196
- trying to find a suitable wife for you.
- Fifty dollars, Mrs Levi, is no joke.
303
00:20:43,322 --> 00:20:44,651
Two whole months, two whole months.
304
00:20:44,781 --> 00:20:49,112
I don't know where money's gone
these days. It's in hiding.
305
00:20:53,081 --> 00:20:57,828
- Well, here's 20.
- Twenty?
306
00:21:01,131 --> 00:21:03,504
Well, here's 25.
307
00:21:05,385 --> 00:21:07,260
Now, that's all I can spare.
308
00:21:07,387 --> 00:21:10,639
Oh, this will help.
This will help somewhat.
309
00:21:10,766 --> 00:21:14,302
Now, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll have a wonderful dinner...
310
00:21:14,812 --> 00:21:18,680
Kitty! Get away from my fur piece.
311
00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:22,563
And in, you know,
some small private dining room
312
00:21:22,694 --> 00:21:24,024
at the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant,
313
00:21:24,822 --> 00:21:29,734
and we'll just consider the matter
of Irene Molloy over and done with.
314
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:31,529
No! Not at all, Mrs Levi.
315
00:21:32,329 --> 00:21:36,079
- I want to have dinner with Miss...
- Simple.
316
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:39,329
With Miss Simple.
But first I want to make another call
317
00:21:39,461 --> 00:21:41,419
on Miss Molloy in New York City.
318
00:21:41,547 --> 00:21:45,676
And Miss Simple? Oh, dear, dear.
319
00:21:46,385 --> 00:21:51,723
What races you make me run.
Well, I'll pick you up at your hotel,
320
00:21:52,099 --> 00:21:55,635
and maybe we'll have time
for a small toast before we start off
321
00:21:55,769 --> 00:21:57,679
on the night's perilous journey.
322
00:22:02,484 --> 00:22:05,059
Goodbye for now, Mr Vandergelder.
323
00:22:11,869 --> 00:22:14,787
Cornelius! Barnaby!
I want to talk to you.
324
00:22:16,832 --> 00:22:19,501
Gentlemen,
when I come back from New York,
325
00:22:20,043 --> 00:22:23,579
there's liable to be some big changes
around here.
326
00:22:24,214 --> 00:22:26,884
- You're going to have a mistress.
- I'm too young, Mr Vandergelder.
327
00:22:27,926 --> 00:22:29,635
Not your mistress!
328
00:22:30,179 --> 00:22:33,181
Death and degradation!
Not yours, idiot! Mine!
329
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:35,632
No.
330
00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:39,019
That is... Hey!
Hold your tongue until you're spoken to!
331
00:22:40,063 --> 00:22:44,394
- I'm thinking of getting married!
- Congratulations, Mr Vandergelder,
332
00:22:44,651 --> 00:22:48,602
and my... My compliments to the lady.
333
00:22:51,241 --> 00:22:55,240
Now, are there any questions
you want to ask me before I go?
334
00:22:55,913 --> 00:22:57,112
Yes, Mr Vandergelder.
335
00:22:58,415 --> 00:23:00,907
Does the chief clerk get one evening off
a week?
336
00:23:01,043 --> 00:23:03,665
So that's the way you begin
being chief clerk, is it?
337
00:23:03,796 --> 00:23:08,589
The world is going to pieces!
You elegant gentlemen lie in bed
338
00:23:08,717 --> 00:23:10,047
until 6:00,
339
00:23:10,219 --> 00:23:13,589
and at 9:00 at night
you rush to close the door
340
00:23:13,722 --> 00:23:16,760
so fast that the customers
bark their noses.
341
00:23:17,017 --> 00:23:19,509
No! No, sir!
342
00:23:19,937 --> 00:23:24,232
You will keep store as usual!
And on Friday and Saturday nights,
343
00:23:24,483 --> 00:23:26,607
you will stay open till 10:00!
344
00:23:28,237 --> 00:23:30,029
An evening free.
345
00:23:30,239 --> 00:23:33,656
Do you suppose
I had my evenings free?
346
00:23:34,326 --> 00:23:37,577
You keep asking for evenings free
and you'll find yourself
347
00:23:37,704 --> 00:23:39,745
with all your days free!
348
00:23:39,873 --> 00:23:40,870
Remember that!
349
00:23:58,308 --> 00:23:59,305
Cornelius?
350
00:24:05,983 --> 00:24:09,816
- Oh, fudge. Barnaby.
- What?
351
00:24:13,574 --> 00:24:15,567
How much money have you got
that you can get at?
352
00:24:15,701 --> 00:24:16,982
Three dollars. Why, Cornelius?
353
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:18,495
You and I are gonna go
to New York, too.
354
00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:20,116
- Cornelius! We...
- You've got $3 and I've got $7,
355
00:24:20,247 --> 00:24:21,576
- and that's enough.
- Cornelius, we can't.
356
00:24:21,707 --> 00:24:25,658
- You mean just close the store?
- Oh, yes, we can. Oh, yes, we can.
357
00:24:26,044 --> 00:24:28,371
We're gonna go to New York,
and we're gonna live.
358
00:24:28,505 --> 00:24:30,665
I'm gonna have enough adventure
to last me for years.
359
00:24:32,593 --> 00:24:33,874
I'm gonna have a good meal.
360
00:24:34,428 --> 00:24:37,097
I'm gonna be...
Well, we're gonna be in danger,
361
00:24:37,222 --> 00:24:38,765
and we're gonna be almost arrested,
362
00:24:38,891 --> 00:24:39,971
and we're gonna spend all our money.
363
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:41,299
Holy cabooses, Cornelius!
364
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,684
We're not gonna come back to Yonkers
until we've kissed a girl.
365
00:24:43,812 --> 00:24:44,844
- Kissed a girl?
- Twice.
366
00:24:45,147 --> 00:24:47,520
Cornelius, you can't do that.
You don't know any girls.
367
00:24:47,649 --> 00:24:49,228
Barnaby, I'm 6'2.5" tall.
368
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:50,356
I've got to start sometime.
369
00:24:50,944 --> 00:24:53,816
I'm 5'5". It isn't so urgent for me.
370
00:24:54,281 --> 00:24:57,200
- Barnaby!
- I don't want to be unemployed.
371
00:24:57,326 --> 00:25:01,407
I mean, being employed means
that at least somebody likes you.
372
00:25:01,622 --> 00:25:04,577
Old Wolf-Trap?
I'd trade Vandergelder for a girl any day.
373
00:25:04,708 --> 00:25:06,168
Remember, Barnaby,
someday you're going to end up
374
00:25:06,293 --> 00:25:08,417
a success as chief clerk
without an evening free.
375
00:25:08,670 --> 00:25:10,878
Look, if worst comes to worst,
we can always join the Army.
376
00:25:14,676 --> 00:25:18,129
- All right, Cornelius, you lead the way.
- Tomatoes.
377
00:25:18,263 --> 00:25:20,387
These'll smell up the place,
and we'll have to close the store.
378
00:25:21,850 --> 00:25:25,635
Barnaby, I've got a wonderful idea.
379
00:25:26,522 --> 00:25:27,933
We need some candles.
380
00:25:31,652 --> 00:25:33,361
These'll blow them up.
381
00:25:33,487 --> 00:25:35,979
When these cans get hot,
Barnaby, duck.
382
00:25:37,157 --> 00:25:40,658
Get some matches.
We'll get our day off.
383
00:25:41,829 --> 00:25:42,944
Oh, yes.
384
00:25:56,718 --> 00:26:00,088
- Holy cabooses!
- Now we'll have to close the store.
385
00:26:01,223 --> 00:26:04,141
Get into your Sunday clothes, Barnaby.
Would you believe it?
386
00:26:04,268 --> 00:26:05,467
We're going to New York.
387
00:26:28,709 --> 00:26:29,908
I'll tell you one thing, Barnaby.
388
00:26:30,043 --> 00:26:31,207
Someday I'm going to have
a store of my own.
389
00:26:31,336 --> 00:26:34,671
What about a girl of your own?
We haven't even talked to a girl,
390
00:26:34,798 --> 00:26:35,962
much less kissed one.
391
00:26:37,468 --> 00:26:38,548
Barnaby, well,
392
00:26:38,677 --> 00:26:41,762
I'll bet you've never even been inside
a millinery store.
393
00:26:42,723 --> 00:26:44,633
What's so exciting about women's hats?
394
00:26:45,934 --> 00:26:47,133
The women who sell them. Look.
395
00:26:48,896 --> 00:26:49,892
Is that a milliner?
396
00:26:50,814 --> 00:26:52,724
- You bet it is. Let's go in.
- What for?
397
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:55,226
Well, for some adventure.
Something's bound to happen in there.
398
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,279
- Why?
- Well, in the first place,
399
00:26:58,405 --> 00:27:01,277
sales ladies have to be nice to you.
And secondly,
400
00:27:02,826 --> 00:27:04,619
you know what they say
about millineresses.
401
00:27:04,995 --> 00:27:06,027
No, what?
402
00:27:08,207 --> 00:27:11,043
Well, I don't know exactly,
but it's pretty exciting.
403
00:27:11,168 --> 00:27:13,245
I mean, they all have a past
full of mystery and adventure.
404
00:27:20,052 --> 00:27:21,713
It'd be terrible if
old Wolf-Trap Vandergelder
405
00:27:21,845 --> 00:27:23,127
happened to come by
and see us in there.
406
00:27:23,305 --> 00:27:24,337
Barnaby, you make me laugh.
407
00:27:24,473 --> 00:27:25,802
If Vandergelder spent
10 years in New York,
408
00:27:25,933 --> 00:27:26,965
you'd never see him in this store.
409
00:27:27,893 --> 00:27:29,139
It's too expensive.
410
00:27:29,603 --> 00:27:33,898
Miss Molloy, you're in such a mood.
Is it because of Mr Vandergelder?
411
00:27:34,608 --> 00:27:36,934
Are you really serious
about marrying him?
412
00:27:37,069 --> 00:27:38,778
I certainly am, Minnie,
if he ever asks me.
413
00:27:38,904 --> 00:27:40,233
He's coming here today.
414
00:27:40,364 --> 00:27:41,610
Oh, gracious!
415
00:27:41,907 --> 00:27:43,402
Oh, Minnie, I want to get away
416
00:27:43,534 --> 00:27:45,159
from the millinery business.
417
00:27:45,285 --> 00:27:47,991
I've hated it since the first day
I had anything to do with it.
418
00:27:48,122 --> 00:27:49,617
I just hate hats.
419
00:27:49,790 --> 00:27:53,575
- Why, what's the matter with hats?
- Oh, now, Minnie, don't be a fool.
420
00:27:54,336 --> 00:27:58,714
All millineresses are suspected of
being wicked and passionate women.
421
00:27:59,883 --> 00:28:04,012
Well, I can't stand being suspected of
being a wicked and passionate woman
422
00:28:04,138 --> 00:28:06,974
when I have absolutely nothing
to show for it.
423
00:28:07,766 --> 00:28:10,554
But Mr Vandergelder is
so much older than you!
424
00:28:10,686 --> 00:28:12,098
Minnie, he's a man!
425
00:28:12,229 --> 00:28:14,555
And what men ever come in here
except ribbon salesmen
426
00:28:14,690 --> 00:28:17,182
and feather merchants?
And they're all married!
427
00:28:17,317 --> 00:28:20,485
All I see from one end of the day
to the other is women
428
00:28:20,946 --> 00:28:22,406
and this counter!
429
00:28:22,531 --> 00:28:27,988
I'm always standing behind this counter.
No one ever sees these legs!
430
00:28:33,667 --> 00:28:38,663
- Did you see that? Bloomers!
- We sell them at Vandergelder's store.
431
00:28:38,797 --> 00:28:42,713
- We see them all the time.
- But ours are so empty.
432
00:28:43,302 --> 00:28:45,379
- Let's go in.
- Now wait. What...
433
00:28:45,512 --> 00:28:47,055
What are we going to do
when we get inside?
434
00:28:48,265 --> 00:28:52,394
I don't know. Maybe buy a hat.
How much money have you got left?
435
00:28:52,603 --> 00:28:55,605
Forty cents for the train,
70 cents for lunch,
436
00:28:56,940 --> 00:29:01,817
20 cents to see the whale,
and the dollar I lost.
437
00:29:03,155 --> 00:29:06,192
I have 70 cents.
438
00:29:07,409 --> 00:29:09,319
Gee, I wish I knew how much hats cost.
439
00:29:10,412 --> 00:29:14,625
I know. Look, we'll pretend to buy one,
and then we won't.
440
00:29:14,875 --> 00:29:19,004
Look, I'll say,
"Good afternoon, Miss Molloy.
441
00:29:19,671 --> 00:29:21,879
- "Nice weather we're having."
- That's fine, Cornelius.
442
00:29:22,007 --> 00:29:25,840
No, no, look, look,
we'll make her think we're rich.
443
00:29:26,428 --> 00:29:27,710
I'll say,
444
00:29:28,347 --> 00:29:31,218
"Good afternoon, Miss Molloy,
striking weather we're having.
445
00:29:31,350 --> 00:29:33,308
"We've been browsing everywhere
for some exquisite hats,
446
00:29:33,435 --> 00:29:35,725
"and we rather fancy your stock."
447
00:29:47,616 --> 00:29:49,526
What'd I tell you, Barnaby? Let's go in.
448
00:29:49,660 --> 00:29:51,404
Wait a minute. Is this an adventure?
449
00:29:51,954 --> 00:29:53,153
Oh, Barnaby, don't go asking me that.
450
00:29:53,288 --> 00:29:54,618
If you're in an adventure,
you'll know it all right.
451
00:29:54,748 --> 00:29:55,780
Maybe I wouldn't.
452
00:29:55,999 --> 00:29:57,827
Cornelius, let's arrange a signal
for you to give me.
453
00:29:58,252 --> 00:30:00,126
If it's really an adventure,
give me a signal.
454
00:30:00,295 --> 00:30:02,088
Say a word. Say like,
455
00:30:03,549 --> 00:30:04,712
"Pudding."
456
00:30:04,842 --> 00:30:07,927
All right, Barnaby.
For adventure, "Pudding".
457
00:30:13,767 --> 00:30:16,853
- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- Miss Molloy?
458
00:30:17,646 --> 00:30:20,849
Miss Molloy. Miss Irene Molloy.
459
00:30:21,191 --> 00:30:23,861
- Here, Cornelius Hackl.
- Here, Barnaby Tucker.
460
00:30:24,528 --> 00:30:26,107
Very happy to meet you.
461
00:30:27,823 --> 00:30:31,869
- Won't you come in and sit down?
- Yes, thank you, we will.
462
00:30:42,504 --> 00:30:45,506
- Now...
- You probably wonder what we want.
463
00:30:47,676 --> 00:30:50,927
We were looking for hats.
Everyone says to come to Irene Molloy's
464
00:30:51,054 --> 00:30:53,760
for hats, you know,
and so we came here for hats.
465
00:30:53,891 --> 00:30:55,849
That's very complimentary.
466
00:30:57,436 --> 00:30:59,180
Fortunately, I carry hats.
467
00:31:00,063 --> 00:31:01,060
Now...
468
00:31:02,274 --> 00:31:05,146
We were thinking of five or six,
weren't we, Barnaby?
469
00:31:05,277 --> 00:31:09,406
- Five.
- Money is no object to us. None at all.
470
00:31:10,782 --> 00:31:13,405
We've bought hats
for just about every girl in the city
471
00:31:13,535 --> 00:31:15,114
under 20 years of age.
472
00:31:15,245 --> 00:31:18,366
- Oh, my, how wonderfully extravagant.
- Money...
473
00:31:21,001 --> 00:31:26,209
- Well, we're from out of town, you know.
- You have that well-travelled look. Yes.
474
00:31:27,966 --> 00:31:28,963
Where're you from?
475
00:31:30,928 --> 00:31:31,924
Yonkers.
476
00:31:32,095 --> 00:31:33,092
Yonkers?
477
00:31:33,263 --> 00:31:35,091
Yonkers? The New York Yonkers?
478
00:31:35,224 --> 00:31:40,052
Yes, translated from the Dutch
it means, "Place where beauty rests."
479
00:31:42,898 --> 00:31:45,141
And you speak two languages, too.
480
00:31:46,109 --> 00:31:47,902
You should know Yonkers, Miss Molloy.
481
00:31:48,403 --> 00:31:49,863
Hudson River, the Palisades.
482
00:31:49,988 --> 00:31:53,323
Some say it's the most beautiful place
in the world. That's what some say.
483
00:31:53,450 --> 00:31:56,405
Henry Hudson used to run up there
in the Half Moon on weekends.
484
00:31:56,537 --> 00:32:00,785
- Is that so?
- If you ever had a Sunday free,
485
00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:06,292
I'd... We'd like to show you Yonkers,
Miss Molloy.
486
00:32:09,883 --> 00:32:13,051
Well, perhaps.
487
00:32:18,684 --> 00:32:19,681
Now,
488
00:32:20,519 --> 00:32:21,765
about these hats...
489
00:32:23,647 --> 00:32:24,644
Is there a...
490
00:32:26,733 --> 00:32:29,439
Maybe your fiancé
would enjoy Yonkers, too?
491
00:32:31,572 --> 00:32:34,360
- I don't have any fiancé, Mr Hackl.
- You don't?
492
00:32:34,741 --> 00:32:36,865
- No.
- That's too bad,
493
00:32:36,994 --> 00:32:38,987
'cause he would've enjoyed Yonkers.
494
00:32:46,336 --> 00:32:48,164
You like this one?
495
00:32:53,302 --> 00:32:55,710
Well, Miss Molloy, I guess...
496
00:32:57,306 --> 00:32:59,180
It's just the most beautiful hat
I ever saw.
497
00:33:00,601 --> 00:33:03,686
What were we talking about?
Oh, yeah, Yonkers.
498
00:33:04,313 --> 00:33:05,974
Look, you should know Yonkers,
Miss Molloy.
499
00:33:06,106 --> 00:33:09,772
Well, the fact is,
I have a friend in Yonkers.
500
00:33:11,445 --> 00:33:12,857
Someone quite well-to-do.
501
00:33:13,780 --> 00:33:17,032
Perhaps you know him.
Oh, but it's always so silly
502
00:33:17,159 --> 00:33:21,573
to ask in cases like that, isn't it?
It's a Mr Vandergelder.
503
00:33:22,623 --> 00:33:24,497
- Who?
- Oh, then you do know him?
504
00:33:24,625 --> 00:33:26,702
- Horace Vandergelder?
- That's right.
505
00:33:28,295 --> 00:33:29,494
No. No.
506
00:33:31,131 --> 00:33:32,543
Well, then you'll have a chance
to meet him,
507
00:33:32,674 --> 00:33:34,633
because he's coming here
at any moment.
508
00:33:37,095 --> 00:33:42,434
Barnaby, take a look outside
and see how the weather is.
509
00:33:42,559 --> 00:33:46,012
- The weather?
- You see any signs of dark clouds?
510
00:33:48,190 --> 00:33:51,227
Clouds? There's a thunderstorm
heading this way.
511
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:52,938
Lightning! Tornado! Everything!
512
00:33:54,696 --> 00:33:55,729
Excuse me, Miss Molloy.
513
00:33:55,864 --> 00:33:59,566
What an interesting shop you have.
Where's that door lead to?
514
00:33:59,701 --> 00:34:01,494
That's my workroom, Mr Hackl.
515
00:34:01,620 --> 00:34:04,112
Everything here is so interesting,
every corner, every door.
516
00:34:04,248 --> 00:34:05,244
Cornelius!
517
00:34:05,374 --> 00:34:07,782
Barnaby,
notice these interesting cupboards.
518
00:34:07,918 --> 00:34:10,208
Deeply interesting.
Coats for ladies, but roomy.
519
00:34:10,337 --> 00:34:12,082
Barnaby, notice this table.
Precious piece of furniture
520
00:34:12,214 --> 00:34:13,875
- with a low-hanging cloth.
- Hurry up!
521
00:34:14,258 --> 00:34:15,254
Yes, Mr Hackl,
522
00:34:15,384 --> 00:34:17,792
I think perhaps your friend might like
some of this new Italian straw.
523
00:34:17,928 --> 00:34:18,960
Come on!
524
00:34:19,096 --> 00:34:22,133
Mr Vandergelder is a substantial man,
they tell me,
525
00:34:22,266 --> 00:34:25,102
- and very well-liked.
- He's a lovely man.
526
00:34:25,269 --> 00:34:27,891
- And a large circle of friends.
- Oh, yes, indeed, five or six.
527
00:34:28,021 --> 00:34:30,229
- Five.
- He comes and calls on you here
528
00:34:30,357 --> 00:34:31,389
from time to time, I suppose?
529
00:34:33,485 --> 00:34:35,894
This summer, we'll be wearing ribbons
down our backs.
530
00:34:36,029 --> 00:34:37,988
- Cornelius!
- Yes, he should be here now.
531
00:34:38,115 --> 00:34:41,318
I think... Cornelius, I think... Look out!
532
00:34:43,328 --> 00:34:45,618
Mr Tucker, I can't have this in my...
533
00:34:45,831 --> 00:34:46,828
Oh, Mr...
534
00:34:48,041 --> 00:34:49,038
Mr Tucker, would you please...
535
00:34:51,170 --> 00:34:53,578
- I can't have...
- Please, Miss Molloy, we'll explain later!
536
00:34:53,714 --> 00:34:56,122
- Mr Tucker, really, I...
- We're as innocent as can be.
537
00:34:56,258 --> 00:35:00,720
- Cornelius! Cornelius! Pudding?
- Pudding.
538
00:35:04,475 --> 00:35:06,801
Irene, my dear child.
539
00:35:07,478 --> 00:35:09,886
Heaven be good to us,
how well you look!
540
00:35:10,481 --> 00:35:13,352
What a surprise!
And Mr Vandergelder in New York.
541
00:35:13,484 --> 00:35:14,647
What a pleasure!
542
00:35:14,776 --> 00:35:16,188
Good afternoon, Miss Molloy.
543
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,194
We were going to pay you
a very short call,
544
00:35:18,322 --> 00:35:20,648
but if it's inconvenient,
why, you just tell us.
545
00:35:20,782 --> 00:35:23,156
Inconvenient, Dolly! The idea!
546
00:35:23,285 --> 00:35:25,575
Why, it's so sweet of you to come.
547
00:35:29,416 --> 00:35:32,584
Oh, well, maybe we'll just sit down
for a few minutes.
548
00:35:35,547 --> 00:35:39,000
Before you sit down,
I have something to show you.
549
00:35:39,134 --> 00:35:41,507
Mr Vandergelder,
I'd like you to see my workroom.
550
00:35:41,637 --> 00:35:43,677
Oh, well, I've seen the workroom
hundreds of times.
551
00:35:43,806 --> 00:35:46,013
I'll just stay right here
and try on some of these hats.
552
00:35:46,141 --> 00:35:48,218
Oh, no!
No, Dolly, I want you to come, too.
553
00:35:48,352 --> 00:35:52,101
I have something for you. Yes.
Now, come along, everybody.
554
00:35:52,731 --> 00:35:53,728
Mr Vandergelder,
555
00:35:54,024 --> 00:35:56,730
I want to ask your advice
about something.
556
00:35:56,860 --> 00:35:59,815
You don't know how helpless
a woman in business is.
557
00:36:00,030 --> 00:36:03,233
I could use advice every minute
from a business head like yours.
558
00:36:05,577 --> 00:36:07,820
Now I'm closing the door!
559
00:36:11,416 --> 00:36:15,747
- Barnaby!
- Cornelius? Maybe she wants us to go.
560
00:36:16,588 --> 00:36:17,870
Certainly we won't go.
561
00:36:18,006 --> 00:36:19,965
Miss Molloy would think
we were just thoughtless fellows.
562
00:36:20,717 --> 00:36:21,750
No, I just want to get some air.
563
00:36:21,885 --> 00:36:23,511
Well, what are we going to do
when he's gone?
564
00:36:23,637 --> 00:36:27,683
Oh, I don't know. I like Miss Molloy a lot.
565
00:36:27,891 --> 00:36:29,600
I wouldn't want her to think badly of me.
566
00:36:30,602 --> 00:36:33,177
Maybe I'll buy a hat.
We can walk back to Yonkers,
567
00:36:33,313 --> 00:36:34,725
even if it takes us all night.
568
00:36:46,952 --> 00:36:49,907
All those perfumes in the cupboard
tickle my nose.
569
00:36:51,206 --> 00:36:54,493
I like it in there. It's a woman's world,
570
00:36:55,169 --> 00:36:56,747
and very different.
571
00:36:59,381 --> 00:37:02,169
I used to hide under the table
from my mother every day
572
00:37:02,301 --> 00:37:04,793
when she came after me with the whip.
573
00:37:14,396 --> 00:37:18,442
"This summer, we'll be wearing ribbons
down our backs."
574
00:37:20,527 --> 00:37:22,272
Can I take my shoes off, Cornelius?
575
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:32,288
Hey, I've only got a minute, but isn't
the world full of wonderful things?
576
00:37:32,414 --> 00:37:34,704
I mean, there we sit cooped up
in Yonkers for years and years,
577
00:37:34,833 --> 00:37:36,743
and all the time
wonderful people like Miss Molloy
578
00:37:36,877 --> 00:37:39,084
are walking around in New York,
and we don't know them at all.
579
00:37:40,923 --> 00:37:45,716
I tell you right now, a fine woman, a fine
woman is the greatest work of God.
580
00:37:45,844 --> 00:37:48,171
Well, you can talk all you want to about
581
00:37:48,305 --> 00:37:51,889
Niagara Falls and the pyramids,
but they're not in it at all.
582
00:37:52,351 --> 00:37:54,759
Well, women are so different from men.
Everything they say and do
583
00:37:54,895 --> 00:37:58,146
is so different that you feel like laughing
all the time.
584
00:37:58,774 --> 00:37:59,890
I mean, really,
they're different from men.
585
00:38:00,025 --> 00:38:02,861
Oh, yes, they are.
And they're awfully mysterious, too.
586
00:38:04,404 --> 00:38:06,612
I'll bet you could know a woman
for 100 years
587
00:38:06,740 --> 00:38:07,772
without ever being really sure
588
00:38:07,908 --> 00:38:09,320
if she liked you or not.
589
00:38:10,285 --> 00:38:11,781
Right now, right this minute,
I'm in danger.
590
00:38:12,121 --> 00:38:14,410
Oh, I'm in danger of losing my job
and my future
591
00:38:14,540 --> 00:38:17,411
and everything that people think
is important, but I don't care.
592
00:38:17,543 --> 00:38:19,951
I mean, even if I have to dig ditches
for the rest of my life,
593
00:38:20,087 --> 00:38:23,172
I'll be a ditch digger
who once had a wonderful day.
594
00:38:26,468 --> 00:38:28,676
Barnaby? Barnaby!
595
00:38:30,013 --> 00:38:31,177
We can't go back to Yonkers yet,
596
00:38:31,306 --> 00:38:32,718
- and you know why?
- Why not?
597
00:38:32,850 --> 00:38:34,131
Well, we've had a good meal,
598
00:38:34,268 --> 00:38:36,142
and we've been in danger
of being arrested.
599
00:38:36,270 --> 00:38:39,889
There's still one thing we've got to do
before we go back to be successes.
600
00:38:40,023 --> 00:38:41,684
Cornelius,
you're never going to kiss Miss Molloy!
601
00:38:41,817 --> 00:38:43,894
- Maybe.
- Oh, she'll scream.
602
00:38:44,027 --> 00:38:45,855
Barnaby, you don't know anything at all.
603
00:38:45,988 --> 00:38:48,824
You might as well know right now that
everybody except us goes through life
604
00:38:48,949 --> 00:38:50,824
kissing left and right all the time.
605
00:38:52,161 --> 00:38:53,870
Well, thanks for telling me, Cornelius.
606
00:38:54,663 --> 00:38:56,407
I often wondered about that.
607
00:39:11,263 --> 00:39:13,932
Mr Hackl,
I thought you were up in Yonkers.
608
00:39:14,683 --> 00:39:17,768
Well, I almost always am, Mrs Levi.
609
00:39:18,729 --> 00:39:21,351
Oh, Mrs Levi,
please don't tell Mr Vandergelder.
610
00:39:21,482 --> 00:39:24,151
- I'll explain everything later.
- We're terribly innocent, Mrs Levi.
611
00:39:24,276 --> 00:39:27,895
- Who's that?
- Barnaby Tucker, just paying a call.
612
00:39:28,030 --> 00:39:29,573
Good heavens, who else is under there?
613
00:39:29,698 --> 00:39:31,822
Just the two of us, that's all, Mrs Levi.
614
00:39:31,950 --> 00:39:34,240
Old friends of Miss Molloy's, is that it?
615
00:39:34,369 --> 00:39:36,778
No, no, we never met her
before a few minutes ago.
616
00:39:36,914 --> 00:39:39,156
We think she's wonderful,
don't we, Barnaby?
617
00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:41,865
Well, I think she's just the finest person
in the entire world,
618
00:39:42,002 --> 00:39:43,248
and I'm ready to tell that to anybody.
619
00:39:43,378 --> 00:39:46,380
And does she think you're the finest
person in the entire world, too?
620
00:39:46,507 --> 00:39:48,465
Oh, no. I don't suppose
she even notices I'm alive.
621
00:39:48,592 --> 00:39:50,467
Well, she must know you're alive
in that cupboard.
622
00:39:50,594 --> 00:39:52,588
If I were you,
I'd crawl right back in there
623
00:39:52,721 --> 00:39:55,130
before somebody comes in.
They're liable to be in any minute.
624
00:39:57,059 --> 00:39:59,302
- Can I help you, Dolly?
- Oh, no, no. No, Irene.
625
00:39:59,436 --> 00:40:02,391
I was just sitting here
gathering my thoughts.
626
00:40:02,564 --> 00:40:07,144
Miss Molloy, I have got some advice
to give you about your business.
627
00:40:07,778 --> 00:40:11,112
Advice from Mr Vandergelder,
the whole city should hear this.
628
00:40:12,241 --> 00:40:14,151
You pay those girls of yours too much.
629
00:40:14,284 --> 00:40:16,077
I took the liberty of inquiring
what they earn.
630
00:40:16,203 --> 00:40:18,078
Girls like that enjoy their work.
631
00:40:18,205 --> 00:40:19,486
Wages, Miss Molloy,
632
00:40:19,623 --> 00:40:22,578
are paid to make people do work
that they don't want to do.
633
00:40:24,211 --> 00:40:26,999
Miss Molloy, I would like for you
to come up to Yonkers
634
00:40:27,131 --> 00:40:28,958
to see my establishment sometime.
635
00:40:29,716 --> 00:40:31,710
That would be very nice.
636
00:40:31,844 --> 00:40:34,252
- For you, my dear.
- Why, thank you.
637
00:40:36,181 --> 00:40:39,966
Thank you. I have a friend in Yonkers,
638
00:40:41,270 --> 00:40:44,058
- someone else.
- And who's that?
639
00:40:44,398 --> 00:40:47,601
Well, someone quite well-to-do,
I believe.
640
00:40:47,776 --> 00:40:50,814
Do you know a Mr Cornelius Hackl
in Yonkers?
641
00:40:52,823 --> 00:40:58,364
I know him like I know my own boot.
Well-to-do? He's my chief clerk.
642
00:40:58,495 --> 00:41:01,414
- He is?
- He's been in my store for 10 years.
643
00:41:01,748 --> 00:41:06,127
- Well, that's hard to believe.
- Where would you have known him?
644
00:41:09,965 --> 00:41:12,374
Just one of those chance meetings,
I suppose.
645
00:41:12,509 --> 00:41:14,669
That's what it was.
One of those chance meetings.
646
00:41:14,803 --> 00:41:18,173
Cornelius Hackl has no right
to chance meetings.
647
00:41:18,307 --> 00:41:21,890
- Now, where was it?
- Now, Mr Vandergelder,
648
00:41:22,269 --> 00:41:25,057
it's very unlike you to question me
in such a way.
649
00:41:25,189 --> 00:41:28,606
I think Mr Cornelius Hackl
is better known than you think he is.
650
00:41:28,734 --> 00:41:30,478
Nonsense.
651
00:41:31,069 --> 00:41:35,234
He is in New York quite often, you know,
and he's very well-liked.
652
00:41:35,365 --> 00:41:39,115
I think the truth might just as well
come out now as later.
653
00:41:39,244 --> 00:41:43,195
Irene is right, Mr Vandergelder.
Your chief clerk is in New York often.
654
00:41:43,540 --> 00:41:46,910
He goes everywhere.
He has an army of friends.
655
00:41:47,044 --> 00:41:49,880
Everybody knows Cornelius Hackl.
656
00:41:50,297 --> 00:41:54,047
He never comes to New York.
He works all day in my store,
657
00:41:54,176 --> 00:41:57,048
and at 9:00 at night,
he sleeps in my harness room.
658
00:41:57,179 --> 00:42:01,593
- That's what you think, but it isn't true.
- Dolly Gallagher, you're crazy.
659
00:42:01,725 --> 00:42:07,017
Oh, by day, by day he's your faithful,
trusted clerk. But by night,
660
00:42:07,564 --> 00:42:10,815
well, he just leads a double life,
that's all.
661
00:42:11,485 --> 00:42:15,436
He's here at the opera.
He goes to all the fashionable homes.
662
00:42:15,572 --> 00:42:19,523
And he's at the Harmonia Gardens
Restaurant three nights a week.
663
00:42:19,660 --> 00:42:23,326
As a matter of fact,
he's just the wittiest, gayest, naughtiest,
664
00:42:23,455 --> 00:42:25,449
most delightful man in New York.
665
00:42:25,582 --> 00:42:28,620
Well, he's just the famous
Cornelius Hackl.
666
00:42:28,752 --> 00:42:29,951
It isn't the same man.
667
00:42:30,087 --> 00:42:32,543
Who took the horses
out of Jenny Lind's carriage
668
00:42:32,673 --> 00:42:34,417
- and pulled her through the streets?
- Who?
669
00:42:34,550 --> 00:42:35,713
Cornelius Hackl.
670
00:42:35,843 --> 00:42:38,216
And who was it who dressed up
as a waiter the other night
671
00:42:38,345 --> 00:42:41,098
at the Fifth Avenue Hotel
and took an oyster and dropped it
672
00:42:41,223 --> 00:42:43,845
right down the front of Mrs...
673
00:42:44,726 --> 00:42:47,183
- It's too wicked to tell.
- Oh, no, Dolly, please tell us.
674
00:42:47,312 --> 00:42:48,309
No!
675
00:42:48,689 --> 00:42:52,308
- But it was Cornelius Hackl.
- It isn't the same man!
676
00:42:52,693 --> 00:42:55,648
- Where did he get the money?
- Oh, he's very rich.
677
00:42:55,779 --> 00:42:59,114
Rich?
I keep all his money in my own safe.
678
00:42:59,241 --> 00:43:02,159
He has $146.35!
679
00:43:02,286 --> 00:43:05,537
Mr Vandergelder, you're killing me!
680
00:43:05,664 --> 00:43:08,915
Come to your senses.
Why, he's one of the Hackls.
681
00:43:09,376 --> 00:43:12,627
- The Hackls?
- They built the Washington Canal.
682
00:43:12,754 --> 00:43:15,460
- Then why should he work in my store?
- Well, I'll tell you.
683
00:43:15,591 --> 00:43:18,961
Even though the Hackls have millions,
they don't believe in starting at the top.
684
00:43:19,094 --> 00:43:20,839
No, they start at the bottom.
685
00:43:20,971 --> 00:43:24,222
They get to know the people
and learn all the merchandise.
686
00:43:24,349 --> 00:43:29,143
And then, when the owner gets old,
they just take over the whole business.
687
00:43:29,396 --> 00:43:32,184
It isn't the same man!
He sleeps in my harness room!
688
00:43:32,316 --> 00:43:34,356
And he's never going to take over
my business.
689
00:43:34,485 --> 00:43:36,609
Excuse me, Miss Molloy. Excuse me.
690
00:43:36,945 --> 00:43:40,315
I must get together that order
for Mrs Entwhistle.
691
00:43:40,949 --> 00:43:44,450
Irene, I can see you're just as taken
with Mr Hackl as everybody else is.
692
00:43:44,578 --> 00:43:47,284
Oh, now, Dolly.
I only met him once and very hastily.
693
00:43:47,414 --> 00:43:49,455
No, but I can see
you were taken with him.
694
00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:52,040
Now, don't you go thinking
of marrying him.
695
00:43:52,169 --> 00:43:54,626
- Dolly!
- Well, it might be fine,
696
00:43:54,755 --> 00:43:59,334
but I'd think it over carefully.
He breaks hearts like hickory nuts.
697
00:43:59,885 --> 00:44:00,965
I forgot the veil!
698
00:44:04,473 --> 00:44:05,505
Miss Molloy!
699
00:44:05,641 --> 00:44:08,310
- There's a man! There's a man!
- Minnie! Hold your tongue!
700
00:44:08,435 --> 00:44:09,895
- Minnie, go in and lie down!
- There's a man!
701
00:44:10,020 --> 00:44:12,180
- You've been working too hard.
- There's a man.
702
00:44:12,314 --> 00:44:14,723
If there's a man in there,
we'll get him out.
703
00:44:14,858 --> 00:44:17,528
Whoever you are, come out of there!
704
00:44:19,947 --> 00:44:21,857
Nonsense! There's no man in there.
705
00:44:22,616 --> 00:44:24,277
Miss Fay's nerves are just playing
tricks on her.
706
00:44:24,409 --> 00:44:27,115
Now, come on, Mr Vandergelder,
you sit right down there.
707
00:44:27,246 --> 00:44:30,865
Now...
Now, what were we all talking about?
708
00:44:32,626 --> 00:44:34,205
Oh, well, now...
709
00:44:35,754 --> 00:44:36,953
God bless you!
710
00:44:39,466 --> 00:44:42,836
Yes, there is a man in there.
I'll explain it all to you another time.
711
00:44:42,970 --> 00:44:44,963
Thank you very much
for coming to see me.
712
00:44:45,097 --> 00:44:46,675
Good afternoon, Mr Vandergelder.
713
00:44:46,807 --> 00:44:49,928
- You're protecting a man in there?
- There's a very simple explanation,
714
00:44:50,060 --> 00:44:52,729
but for the present, good afternoon.
715
00:45:02,281 --> 00:45:04,524
The room is just crawling with men!
716
00:45:04,658 --> 00:45:08,324
- I can't believe my own eyes.
- Come, Mr Vandergelder.
717
00:45:08,495 --> 00:45:11,367
Ernestina Simple is waiting for us.
718
00:45:12,541 --> 00:45:16,587
Miss Molloy, I shan't trouble you again
and vice versa.
719
00:45:31,018 --> 00:45:34,269
When I think of all the interesting
things you have in this room, dear,
720
00:45:34,396 --> 00:45:36,686
make the most of it. Goodbye.
721
00:45:39,818 --> 00:45:41,148
You, too.
722
00:45:47,784 --> 00:45:50,573
So this is one of your practical jokes,
is it, Mr Hackl?
723
00:45:50,704 --> 00:45:52,365
Miss Molloy, I've never been so serious
in my entire life.
724
00:45:52,498 --> 00:45:54,076
Barnaby Tucker,
come out from under there,
725
00:45:54,208 --> 00:45:55,371
you troublemaker!
726
00:45:55,501 --> 00:45:57,708
Minnie, don't be afraid.
I know all about these gentlemen.
727
00:45:57,836 --> 00:46:00,079
Miss Molloy, we realise that what
happened here must look pretty bad.
728
00:46:00,214 --> 00:46:01,210
You think just because you're rich,
729
00:46:01,340 --> 00:46:03,001
you can make up for the harm you do,
is that it?
730
00:46:03,133 --> 00:46:04,213
No, no.
731
00:46:04,343 --> 00:46:06,336
Minnie, this is the famous
Cornelius Hackl,
732
00:46:06,470 --> 00:46:09,258
who goes around New York
tying people into knots.
733
00:46:09,389 --> 00:46:12,178
And this is Barnaby Tucker,
his partner in foolishness.
734
00:46:12,309 --> 00:46:13,769
How do you do?
735
00:46:13,894 --> 00:46:17,264
Minnie! We're going out to dinner.
736
00:46:18,106 --> 00:46:21,310
If this Mr Cornelius Hackl is so rich
and gay and charming,
737
00:46:21,443 --> 00:46:24,196
then he's going to be rich
and gay and charming to us!
738
00:46:24,321 --> 00:46:26,860
Dines three nights a week
at the Harmonia Gardens, does he?
739
00:46:27,658 --> 00:46:29,236
Minnie, he's taking us there right now.
740
00:46:29,368 --> 00:46:30,993
Is it the right thing to do?
741
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:33,446
Minnie, you and I have been
respectable women for years.
742
00:46:33,580 --> 00:46:35,621
Now, at last, we're in disgrace.
743
00:46:35,749 --> 00:46:37,244
We might as well make the most of it.
744
00:46:37,376 --> 00:46:40,045
But we're not dressed fashionably
enough for the Harmonia Gardens.
745
00:46:40,170 --> 00:46:42,045
We will be, Minnie.
Come in here and take this off.
746
00:46:42,172 --> 00:46:43,169
This is for you.
747
00:46:44,591 --> 00:46:46,799
Miss Molloy, I understand
there's an awfully nice restaurant
748
00:46:46,927 --> 00:46:50,511
- at the railroad station.
- The railway station?
749
00:46:50,806 --> 00:46:53,677
Certainly not, Mr Hackl!
You're going to give us a fine dinner
750
00:46:53,809 --> 00:46:55,470
right in the heart
of the fashionable world.
751
00:46:56,979 --> 00:46:59,934
Don't you boys forget.
You made us lose our reputations,
752
00:47:00,065 --> 00:47:03,400
and now the fashionable world
is the only place we can eat.
753
00:47:05,112 --> 00:47:07,983
Now,
if you gentlemen will just run along...
754
00:47:08,115 --> 00:47:09,575
Run along, shoo, shoo,
755
00:47:09,700 --> 00:47:13,699
and we'll get dressed. Run along!
Be back in an hour.
756
00:47:14,371 --> 00:47:15,451
We'll be waiting for you.
757
00:47:16,707 --> 00:47:18,665
Paper, paper! Get the New York...
758
00:47:18,792 --> 00:47:21,331
I think she's angry at us, Cornelius.
Maybe we'd better run away now.
759
00:47:21,462 --> 00:47:23,669
Oh, no, Barnaby, we're going to
go through with this if it kills us.
760
00:47:23,797 --> 00:47:25,957
Oh, Barnaby, for a woman like that,
a man could consent
761
00:47:26,091 --> 00:47:28,001
to go back to Yonkers
and be a success.
762
00:47:28,594 --> 00:47:31,797
All I know is no woman's going to make
a success out of me.
763
00:47:31,930 --> 00:47:33,889
Jail or no jail.
764
00:47:35,476 --> 00:47:37,516
Good afternoon, Officer.
765
00:47:41,106 --> 00:47:43,314
We're going to take these ladies
out to dinner, so grit your teeth.
766
00:47:43,442 --> 00:47:45,768
But, Cornelius,
we don't have enough money.
767
00:47:45,903 --> 00:47:46,899
Barnaby!
768
00:47:47,613 --> 00:47:49,156
Well, that's what makes it
a real adventure.
769
00:47:50,032 --> 00:47:51,741
Well, there's one thing.
770
00:47:51,867 --> 00:47:55,035
If this Harmonia Gardens
is a real expensive restaurant,
771
00:47:55,162 --> 00:47:59,492
we won't have to worry about
bumping into Mr Vandergelder there.
772
00:47:59,958 --> 00:48:04,420
Oh, Barnaby, in 58 minutes
we'll be entering the social world.
773
00:48:10,594 --> 00:48:11,758
Harmonia Gardens!
774
00:48:14,389 --> 00:48:17,427
- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.
775
00:48:18,352 --> 00:48:20,227
Good evening, miss.
776
00:48:29,863 --> 00:48:30,860
Oh, Minnie!
777
00:48:32,491 --> 00:48:36,075
Oh, Minnie, the world is full
of such wonderful things!
778
00:48:38,413 --> 00:48:41,119
Now, watch me, dear,
and tell me if my petticoat's showing.
779
00:48:54,054 --> 00:48:55,170
Good evening.
780
00:48:57,766 --> 00:48:58,763
Good evening, George.
781
00:48:59,935 --> 00:49:01,395
My name is Alex.
782
00:49:01,728 --> 00:49:03,971
Yes, of course, Alex. Look, Alex,
783
00:49:04,106 --> 00:49:06,680
we were just doing the town tonight
and we thought we'd drop in
784
00:49:06,817 --> 00:49:07,933
for a quick sandwich
and a glass of buttermilk.
785
00:49:08,068 --> 00:49:11,153
You say you're all filled up?
Well, we'll try some other time.
786
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:13,320
That's the playful
Cornelius Hackl for you.
787
00:49:13,448 --> 00:49:16,285
We'll just take
Mr Hackl's regular table, please.
788
00:49:16,410 --> 00:49:18,035
I'm sorry, I don't think...
789
00:49:18,162 --> 00:49:21,117
We understand.
Saturday night reservations.
790
00:49:21,248 --> 00:49:24,167
Then we'll just take
the best dining room you have.
791
00:49:24,293 --> 00:49:26,701
The Florentine Room
is already reserved,
792
00:49:26,837 --> 00:49:30,539
but I can give you the Venetian Room,
right next to the Florentine.
793
00:49:30,674 --> 00:49:33,546
The second best? No, no.
We don't want the second best,
794
00:49:33,677 --> 00:49:35,801
- do we, Barnaby?
- Certainly not. I suggest we leave.
795
00:49:35,929 --> 00:49:38,137
- I'm offended.
- Well, I'm not.
796
00:49:38,891 --> 00:49:42,640
- Thank you, that's fine. We'll take it.
- This way, please.
797
00:49:58,202 --> 00:49:59,911
I think you'll find this comfortable.
798
00:50:02,539 --> 00:50:04,449
I'll send your waiter over.
799
00:50:08,212 --> 00:50:09,755
Miss Molloy,
you sure you're gonna like it in here?
800
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:10,960
'Cause I think I feel a draught.
801
00:50:11,089 --> 00:50:14,875
Oh, indeed I am.
Oh, we're going to have a fine dinner.
802
00:50:16,929 --> 00:50:18,839
It's private and it's elegant.
803
00:50:20,849 --> 00:50:22,594
And now we're all going to
forget our troubles
804
00:50:22,768 --> 00:50:24,726
and call each other by our first names.
805
00:50:26,313 --> 00:50:30,561
Cornelius, call the waiter.
806
00:50:32,903 --> 00:50:35,027
Waiter... Waiter, waiter.
807
00:50:35,906 --> 00:50:38,694
I must've caught cold on that ride.
I can't make a sound. Waiter, waiter.
808
00:50:38,826 --> 00:50:40,285
No, it just won't come.
809
00:50:40,410 --> 00:50:43,745
- Barnaby, you call him.
- Waiter!
810
00:50:48,001 --> 00:50:51,502
I never thought that I'd be
in such a place in my whole life.
811
00:50:52,297 --> 00:50:54,338
Miss Molloy,
is this what they call a café?
812
00:50:54,466 --> 00:50:56,923
Oh, yes, Minnie.
This is what they call a café.
813
00:50:57,761 --> 00:50:58,758
Sit down, Minnie.
814
00:51:00,097 --> 00:51:02,719
Cornelius,
Mrs Levi gave us to understand
815
00:51:02,850 --> 00:51:04,760
that every waiter in New York
knew you well.
816
00:51:06,019 --> 00:51:09,520
- They will.
- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
817
00:51:10,065 --> 00:51:13,850
- Hello, Fritz, how are you, old boy?
- I'm Rudolph, sir.
818
00:51:14,570 --> 00:51:18,438
Yeah, yeah, well, yes.
Well, well, Fritz is your twin brother.
819
00:51:20,534 --> 00:51:23,322
Rudolph, these ladies would like
a little something to eat.
820
00:51:23,454 --> 00:51:24,830
You know what I mean, Rudy?
821
00:51:25,622 --> 00:51:28,328
Oh, now, Cornelius, there's no need
to be so familiar with the waiter.
822
00:51:28,542 --> 00:51:30,002
Oh, yes, there is.
823
00:51:31,086 --> 00:51:33,210
- Menu?
- Thank you.
824
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,590
I'd like some sardines on toast
and a glass of milk.
825
00:51:41,722 --> 00:51:43,466
Great grindstones, Minnie!
What a sensible girl.
826
00:51:43,599 --> 00:51:44,679
Barnaby, shake hands with Minnie.
827
00:51:44,808 --> 00:51:46,683
She's the most sensible girl
in the entire world.
828
00:51:46,810 --> 00:51:49,349
And, Rudy, you can bring us
two gentlemen two glasses of beer,
829
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,438
a loaf of bread and some cheese.
830
00:51:51,899 --> 00:51:54,023
Oh, that's the silliest thing
I've ever heard.
831
00:51:54,151 --> 00:51:55,646
We came here to have a fine dinner,
832
00:51:55,777 --> 00:51:57,605
and that's just exactly
what we're going to have.
833
00:51:57,988 --> 00:52:00,657
Minnie, have you ever eaten pheasant?
834
00:52:00,991 --> 00:52:02,486
- Pheasant? No.
- Yes.
835
00:52:03,786 --> 00:52:05,032
Rudolph, have you any pheasant?
836
00:52:05,162 --> 00:52:07,405
Yes, ma'am, just in from Yonkers today.
837
00:52:08,290 --> 00:52:10,533
Even the pheasants
are leaving Yonkers.
838
00:52:10,751 --> 00:52:12,579
Write this down, please, Rudolph.
839
00:52:14,546 --> 00:52:16,919
- Mock turtle soup.
- Mock turtle soup.
840
00:52:18,133 --> 00:52:19,794
- Pheasant.
- Pheasant.
841
00:52:22,054 --> 00:52:24,676
- Mashed chestnuts.
- Mashed chestnuts.
842
00:52:25,224 --> 00:52:27,680
- Green salad.
- Green salad.
843
00:52:28,227 --> 00:52:32,890
- And some nice red wine.
- Red wine.
844
00:52:35,359 --> 00:52:36,522
Barnaby, watch this.
845
00:52:37,986 --> 00:52:41,321
Rudolph, you can add
a Neapolitan ice cream,
846
00:52:41,573 --> 00:52:46,117
- hothouse peaches, champagne.
- Champagne!
847
00:52:46,829 --> 00:52:48,822
May I, sir? Thank you.
848
00:52:50,457 --> 00:52:51,834
Rudolph.
849
00:52:53,669 --> 00:52:58,581
The smallest tip
Mr Hackl has ever left is $10.
850
00:52:59,925 --> 00:53:01,206
Yes, sir!
851
00:53:06,223 --> 00:53:08,217
Horace Vandergelder,
Yonkers, New York.
852
00:53:08,350 --> 00:53:12,183
Oh, yes, sir. Follow me, please.
The Florentine Room.
853
00:53:41,508 --> 00:53:43,169
This way, sir.
854
00:53:47,931 --> 00:53:49,012
Beautiful?
855
00:53:49,141 --> 00:53:53,685
Well, I wasn't thinking of anything
quite so, quite so...
856
00:53:53,854 --> 00:53:56,809
When your guest arrives,
I'll direct her here immediately.
857
00:54:02,154 --> 00:54:03,483
Ernestina.
858
00:54:15,042 --> 00:54:17,000
Oh, wrong room.
859
00:54:21,673 --> 00:54:23,382
To all the ladies in the world,
860
00:54:24,802 --> 00:54:29,132
may I get to know more of them
and may I get to know them better.
861
00:54:29,765 --> 00:54:30,762
To the ladies.
862
00:54:33,268 --> 00:54:36,187
That was very sweet and very refined,
Barnaby.
863
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,474
Minnie, you know, I think just for that
864
00:54:38,774 --> 00:54:40,732
I'm going to give Barnaby a kiss.
865
00:54:47,115 --> 00:54:52,158
Barnaby, this is for you,
from all the ladies in the world.
866
00:55:02,422 --> 00:55:04,333
Now I can go back to Yonkers,
Cornelius.
867
00:55:05,134 --> 00:55:07,460
Pudding! Pudding! Pudding!
868
00:55:25,237 --> 00:55:29,532
What lovely music.
Cornelius, will you dance with me?
869
00:55:30,784 --> 00:55:34,949
Oh, Minnie, the Hackls don't dance.
We're Presbyterian.
870
00:55:35,581 --> 00:55:37,658
Barnaby Tucker will dance.
871
00:55:50,721 --> 00:55:52,845
You don't seem to be very happy,
Cornelius.
872
00:55:52,973 --> 00:55:57,351
Oh, but I am, Irene, about many things.
873
00:55:58,187 --> 00:55:59,302
For instance?
874
00:55:59,438 --> 00:56:03,057
Well, for instance,
that I'm here and you are, too,
875
00:56:03,192 --> 00:56:05,944
and that a certain friend of ours
named Wolf-Trap isn't.
876
00:56:40,562 --> 00:56:42,889
- Cornelius! Cornelius!
- What's wrong, Barnaby?
877
00:56:43,232 --> 00:56:46,602
- It's Wolf-Trap! In the very next booth.
- Wolf-Trap?
878
00:56:46,735 --> 00:56:48,563
Who is this terrifying Wolf-Trap,
Cornelius?
879
00:56:48,695 --> 00:56:52,990
No, no, no, no. No, sit down, Irene.
Sit down, Barnaby.
880
00:56:54,284 --> 00:57:00,655
Well... Well, yeah, yeah,
I have an idea for a game,
881
00:57:02,292 --> 00:57:04,085
a wonderful game, a fascinating game.
882
00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:07,711
- I can hardly hear you...
- That's part of the game.
883
00:57:09,591 --> 00:57:14,338
It's called
"Whisper And You Shall Be Saved."
884
00:57:14,638 --> 00:57:17,130
Oh, I get it, I get it.
It's a wonderful idea for a game.
885
00:57:17,266 --> 00:57:18,642
It's a very strange name.
886
00:57:18,976 --> 00:57:21,598
Well, yeah, it's a very strange game.
Now, here's what we do.
887
00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:25,971
We think silently to ourselves
for five minutes without uttering a word,
888
00:57:26,108 --> 00:57:28,600
with our hands over our ears,
hands over your ears,
889
00:57:29,111 --> 00:57:31,021
and then at the end of five minutes,
890
00:57:31,155 --> 00:57:33,397
we each try to guess
what the others were thinking of.
891
00:57:33,574 --> 00:57:37,987
If anybody speaks loud during the entire
game, he has to pay the check.
892
00:57:38,245 --> 00:57:41,164
No, Cornelius. You invited us here.
We're your guests.
893
00:57:41,290 --> 00:57:46,118
In "Whisper And You Shall Be Saved",
there are no guests. We are all victims.
894
00:58:09,193 --> 00:58:12,942
Isn't this a picture? Something you'd like
to frame in your memory.
895
00:58:13,197 --> 00:58:17,860
Heirloom silver, priceless linen,
a sensitive but masculine room,
896
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:19,655
and Horace Vandergelder.
897
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,956
Oh, I tell you, I'm a fortunate woman.
898
00:58:23,665 --> 00:58:24,781
Where is Ernestina Simple?
899
00:58:26,210 --> 00:58:27,705
Where is Ernestina Simple?
900
00:58:28,545 --> 00:58:29,744
There's a man for you.
901
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,087
You weren't even listening,
Mr Vandergelder.
902
00:58:32,883 --> 00:58:35,589
I listened to you tell me
that she was going to be here tonight.
903
00:58:35,719 --> 00:58:38,922
And we hired this banquet hall
to meet her in. Now, where is she?
904
00:58:39,515 --> 00:58:41,722
Well, if you're going to act like that
when she gets here,
905
00:58:41,850 --> 00:58:45,766
you're going to lose yourself the best
wife east of the Allegheny Mountains.
906
00:58:45,896 --> 00:58:47,012
Then she's coming?
907
00:58:47,147 --> 00:58:50,350
Well, I talked to her.
I looked at her as long as I dared.
908
00:58:50,567 --> 00:58:54,566
Oh, my eyes ache, so beautiful.
909
00:58:56,949 --> 00:58:57,981
What did she say?
910
00:58:58,534 --> 00:58:59,815
Well, I'm not going to tell you.
911
00:58:59,952 --> 00:59:02,408
Let her speak for herself
when she gets here.
912
00:59:03,497 --> 00:59:04,494
Oh, sherry.
913
00:59:07,042 --> 00:59:08,074
How will I recognise her?
914
00:59:08,710 --> 00:59:11,748
Mr Vandergelder, how do you recognise
the Rocky Mountains?
915
00:59:13,590 --> 00:59:16,082
Well, those are big.
916
00:59:16,552 --> 00:59:19,886
Then you'll know Ernestina Simple.
917
00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:33,063
Oh, food, something to nibble on.
I haven't had a thing to eat all day.
918
00:59:34,194 --> 00:59:37,813
Oh, I just love caviar.
919
00:59:39,199 --> 00:59:40,232
Aren't you going to have any?
920
00:59:40,367 --> 00:59:43,535
Oh, come on, they're awfully good.
Try one.
921
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,037
Good evening, madam.
922
00:59:49,501 --> 00:59:51,993
Mr Vandergelder,
could I trouble you for a moment?
923
00:59:52,129 --> 00:59:55,415
Stack, what do you want?
You're through for the day.
924
00:59:55,549 --> 00:59:59,001
Well, Mr Vandergelder, I was lonesome,
and furthermore,
925
00:59:59,136 --> 01:00:02,755
I thought I might come in and ask you
if I could have an advance on my salary.
926
01:00:03,432 --> 01:00:05,425
An advance? What gall!
927
01:00:05,559 --> 01:00:07,849
You work for me one day
and you want an advance?
928
01:00:08,854 --> 01:00:10,053
Yeah, give it to him.
929
01:00:12,024 --> 01:00:16,236
Well, all right. Here's $1.
930
01:00:17,112 --> 01:00:19,402
You'll get the rest of your salary
at the end of the week.
931
01:00:21,617 --> 01:00:25,117
Thank you, sir.
You're a kind and generous man.
932
01:00:25,245 --> 01:00:28,781
And in the company of a remarkably
beautiful and charming woman.
933
01:00:29,208 --> 01:00:30,454
I bid you good day.
934
01:00:40,886 --> 01:00:42,132
A purse.
935
01:00:48,519 --> 01:00:53,063
That young fellow over there
must have let it drop when he come in.
936
01:00:54,066 --> 01:00:55,858
He looks worried, too.
937
01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:00,906
I'll not look inside.
938
01:01:03,992 --> 01:01:07,991
Twenty dollar bills, dozens of them.
939
01:01:09,331 --> 01:01:12,499
I'll just go over there and give it to him.
940
01:01:14,670 --> 01:01:15,702
You're surprised?
941
01:01:17,089 --> 01:01:20,210
You're surprised that I want to
get rid of this money so quickly?
942
01:01:21,343 --> 01:01:22,969
Well, I'll explain it to you.
943
01:01:24,179 --> 01:01:27,798
There was a time in my life that
my chief interest was picking up money
944
01:01:27,933 --> 01:01:29,393
that didn't belong to me.
945
01:01:29,726 --> 01:01:31,850
Now, stealing's a weakness.
946
01:01:33,230 --> 01:01:34,346
There's some people who say
947
01:01:34,481 --> 01:01:35,513
you shouldn't have
no weaknesses at all,
948
01:01:35,649 --> 01:01:38,188
no vices. But if a man has no vices,
949
01:01:38,318 --> 01:01:40,692
he's in great danger of making vices
out of his virtues.
950
01:01:41,446 --> 01:01:42,776
That's a spectacle.
951
01:01:43,407 --> 01:01:46,195
We've all seen them. No, no.
952
01:01:46,743 --> 01:01:48,571
Nurse one vice to your bosom.
953
01:01:48,704 --> 01:01:50,365
Give it the attention that it deserves,
954
01:01:50,497 --> 01:01:53,499
then let your virtues
spring up modestly around it.
955
01:01:55,210 --> 01:01:57,963
I took to whisky, whisky took to me.
956
01:01:58,630 --> 01:02:02,676
Then I discovered one important rule
that I'm going to pass on to you,
957
01:02:03,218 --> 01:02:05,545
never support two weaknesses
at the same time.
958
01:02:06,430 --> 01:02:09,136
It's your combination sinners
that dishonour the vices
959
01:02:09,266 --> 01:02:11,224
and bring them into bad repute.
960
01:02:12,144 --> 01:02:15,478
There's nothing worse than for a man
to be a drunkard and a thief.
961
01:02:16,190 --> 01:02:18,895
So, now you know why
I want to get rid of this money.
962
01:02:19,318 --> 01:02:23,482
I want to keep my mind free to do credit
to the whisky that it deserves.
963
01:02:24,198 --> 01:02:29,240
And my last word to you is this,
one vice at a time.
964
01:02:37,795 --> 01:02:40,037
- Pardon me, your honour.
- Me?
965
01:02:45,636 --> 01:02:47,962
May I introduce myself? Malachi Stack.
966
01:02:48,096 --> 01:02:50,505
I've come to ask you,
have you lost something?
967
01:02:50,641 --> 01:02:54,141
Oh, Mr Stack, in this one day,
I've lost just about everything I own.
968
01:02:55,020 --> 01:02:56,017
Here it is.
969
01:03:05,447 --> 01:03:08,533
Mr Stack, it's a miracle.
That's what it is.
970
01:03:08,659 --> 01:03:11,910
- Don't mention it, sir.
- Barnaby. Barnaby, come here a minute.
971
01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:15,204
Barnaby, shake hands with Mr Stack.
972
01:03:15,332 --> 01:03:18,168
Mr Stack has just found
the purse I lost with the money.
973
01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:21,462
- The purse with the money?
- You're a wonderful man, Mr Stack.
974
01:03:21,588 --> 01:03:22,834
It's nothing. It's nothing.
975
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:25,634
Well, I'm certainly glad
I went to church all these years.
976
01:03:25,759 --> 01:03:28,085
Mr Stack, you're a good person to know.
977
01:03:28,387 --> 01:03:31,721
- Can I give you something? A reward?
- Don't mention it. It's nothing.
978
01:03:31,849 --> 01:03:33,130
- Here, take this.
- Don't mention it.
979
01:03:33,267 --> 01:03:34,548
- And this.
- Now, that's enough.
980
01:03:34,685 --> 01:03:35,884
- Here, take this, too.
- No!
981
01:03:36,019 --> 01:03:38,558
I might get to like them. Good night.
982
01:03:45,529 --> 01:03:47,772
Easy come, easy go.
983
01:03:52,161 --> 01:03:56,206
Miss Molloy, I mean, Irene,
I feel a lot better about everything.
984
01:03:57,040 --> 01:04:01,538
In fact, I feel so well
that I'm going to tell the truth.
985
01:04:02,546 --> 01:04:04,540
Minnie, I forgot that.
986
01:04:04,923 --> 01:04:07,795
Men get drunk so differently
from women.
987
01:04:10,137 --> 01:04:12,047
All right, Cornelius, what is the truth?
988
01:04:14,725 --> 01:04:16,101
If I tell you the truth, Miss Molloy,
989
01:04:17,060 --> 01:04:18,556
will you let me put my arm
around your waist?
990
01:04:20,397 --> 01:04:21,477
Minnie!
991
01:04:26,487 --> 01:04:27,519
All right.
992
01:04:28,197 --> 01:04:30,321
All right,
you may put your arm around my waist,
993
01:04:30,908 --> 01:04:33,744
just to show that it can be done
in a gentlemanly fashion.
994
01:04:34,870 --> 01:04:38,322
But I must warn you,
a corset is a corset.
995
01:04:57,976 --> 01:04:59,637
You're a wonderful person, Miss Molloy.
996
01:05:01,605 --> 01:05:02,886
Thank you.
997
01:05:06,610 --> 01:05:08,271
What is the truth, Cornelius?
998
01:05:13,116 --> 01:05:19,370
Well, the truth is that we Hackls
are every bit as wicked and scheming
999
01:05:19,498 --> 01:05:20,614
as Mrs Levi said,
1000
01:05:20,749 --> 01:05:22,292
and if I were you,
I'd leave here right now
1001
01:05:22,417 --> 01:05:23,829
and never see me again.
1002
01:05:31,927 --> 01:05:33,921
I'll take my chances, Cornelius.
1003
01:05:38,392 --> 01:05:41,061
I have a telegram for Mrs Levi, sir.
1004
01:05:43,105 --> 01:05:44,102
For me?
1005
01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:51,438
- I wonder who it's from?
- Open it. Don't torture yourself and me.
1006
01:05:59,496 --> 01:06:03,115
Oh, I can't believe it.
1007
01:06:03,750 --> 01:06:06,289
- Oh, it must be a typographical error.
- What is it?
1008
01:06:07,588 --> 01:06:09,213
Oh, I don't think you should know.
1009
01:06:10,466 --> 01:06:12,293
Mr Vandergelder,
if you're going to act like this
1010
01:06:12,426 --> 01:06:13,838
before you know anything about it,
1011
01:06:13,969 --> 01:06:16,093
heaven knows how you'll act
when I read it to you.
1012
01:06:16,221 --> 01:06:20,220
All right. I'm calm, calm, calm, you see?
Now, go on.
1013
01:06:21,768 --> 01:06:25,898
"Mrs Dolly Gallagher Levi,
Harmonia Gardens Restaurant..."
1014
01:06:26,064 --> 01:06:27,690
New York, New York. I know.
1015
01:06:27,816 --> 01:06:32,693
"My dear, sweet, wonderful, unselfish,
faithful friend, companion and advisor,
1016
01:06:34,406 --> 01:06:37,609
"you who would make the most
wonderful wife on Earth..."
1017
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:40,996
She obviously didn't expect me
to read this in front of anyone.
1018
01:06:41,121 --> 01:06:42,914
Go on.
1019
01:06:44,708 --> 01:06:48,125
- Modesty forbids.
- Go on. Read it.
1020
01:06:49,713 --> 01:06:52,466
"You who know more
about the art of love
1021
01:06:52,591 --> 01:06:54,964
"than anyone
since Cleopatra or Josephine..."
1022
01:06:56,595 --> 01:07:00,214
- Right here, in her own words.
- Get to the message, will you?
1023
01:07:00,933 --> 01:07:04,599
- "My dear Dolly..."
- I never thought we'd get there.
1024
01:07:05,103 --> 01:07:08,390
"I have bad news." Oh!
1025
01:07:08,816 --> 01:07:11,936
I'll never trust another woman again
as long as I live.
1026
01:07:12,069 --> 01:07:13,529
Well, what is it?
1027
01:07:13,695 --> 01:07:17,315
"Please notify Mr Vandergelder
that I can't have dinner with him tonight,
1028
01:07:17,950 --> 01:07:20,074
"because I just got married.
1029
01:07:20,327 --> 01:07:23,282
"Ernestina Stuyvesant, formerly Simple."
1030
01:07:25,499 --> 01:07:28,702
Oh, it's enough to spoil your appetite.
1031
01:07:28,836 --> 01:07:32,621
- Terrible, terrible news.
- You haven't heard the worst, sir.
1032
01:07:32,965 --> 01:07:36,916
- That telegram was collect.
- Just put it on the bill.
1033
01:07:37,845 --> 01:07:41,546
Now, it's a well-known medical fact
1034
01:07:41,682 --> 01:07:44,767
that in time of stress
the blood rushes right to the stomach.
1035
01:07:44,977 --> 01:07:48,394
And the best thing for that is food,
good food and lots of it.
1036
01:07:48,522 --> 01:07:51,191
You think you can make it
to the next chair? There we are.
1037
01:07:51,567 --> 01:07:56,313
Now, August,
I gave Alex the order this afternoon.
1038
01:07:56,446 --> 01:07:58,072
I understand, ma'am.
1039
01:07:58,365 --> 01:08:01,450
And I'd like to point out
that Mr Vandergelder here
1040
01:08:01,785 --> 01:08:03,862
is Yonkers' most influential citizen.
1041
01:08:04,788 --> 01:08:06,698
And poor Mr Vandergelder,
he's been through a day
1042
01:08:06,832 --> 01:08:08,956
that would've broken a lesser man,
1043
01:08:09,084 --> 01:08:11,753
what with men hiding
all over Miss Molloy's shop,
1044
01:08:11,879 --> 01:08:15,664
like Indians in ambush,
and him practically engaged to her.
1045
01:08:15,924 --> 01:08:19,626
Mrs Levi, you don't have to tell
the waiter everything about me.
1046
01:08:19,845 --> 01:08:22,384
Mr Vandergelder, if you're thinking
of getting married again,
1047
01:08:22,514 --> 01:08:27,723
you might just as well learn now as later
that you've got to let women be women.
1048
01:08:28,729 --> 01:08:31,435
- We insist on good service.
- Yes, ma'am.
1049
01:08:34,818 --> 01:08:39,197
Mrs Levi, let me tell you something.
For reasons that are obscure to me,
1050
01:08:39,406 --> 01:08:42,075
you have busy-bodied your way
into my life and affairs.
1051
01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:44,159
You have tampered
and poked and pulled,
1052
01:08:44,286 --> 01:08:47,988
until what was an uncomplicated
and basic urge on my part
1053
01:08:48,373 --> 01:08:51,411
has been twisted into
an emotional pretzel
1054
01:08:51,835 --> 01:08:54,623
that might take the few remaining years
of my life to untangle.
1055
01:08:54,755 --> 01:08:57,461
Why untwist it? Just eat the pretzel.
1056
01:08:57,674 --> 01:09:01,590
I have lost two chances
for a happy marriage on the same day.
1057
01:09:01,845 --> 01:09:04,053
I've been handing out money
right and left
1058
01:09:04,556 --> 01:09:06,633
like a salesman for the U.S. Mint.
1059
01:09:06,767 --> 01:09:10,766
I've been betrayed,
virtually left at the altar,
1060
01:09:10,979 --> 01:09:15,559
buncoed, overcharged,
defied, pitied and laughed at!
1061
01:09:16,527 --> 01:09:18,485
You have a ready wit, Mr Vandergelder.
1062
01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:23,357
When I plan something, Mrs Levi,
it takes place.
1063
01:09:24,785 --> 01:09:25,817
You're so right.
1064
01:09:26,370 --> 01:09:28,447
You planned this lovely dinner,
and here it is.
1065
01:09:28,956 --> 01:09:33,702
- So let's enjoy it.
- Good heavens! This can't all be for us.
1066
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:37,046
This must be for some wedding banquet
or Hibernian smoker.
1067
01:09:37,172 --> 01:09:39,213
It's what Mrs Levi
ordered this afternoon, sir.
1068
01:09:39,341 --> 01:09:41,002
The number one,
chef's deluxe masterpiece.
1069
01:09:41,593 --> 01:09:42,923
Twelve courses.
1070
01:09:45,889 --> 01:09:47,598
Mrs Levi,
I'm a neighbourhood merchant,
1071
01:09:47,724 --> 01:09:49,220
not a Roman emperor.
1072
01:09:49,351 --> 01:09:52,270
Oh, nothing is too good
for Yonkers' most prominent citizen
1073
01:09:52,396 --> 01:09:54,140
and eligible bachelor.
1074
01:09:54,273 --> 01:09:57,607
Always poking your nose
into other people's affairs.
1075
01:09:57,818 --> 01:10:02,196
Always trying to run everything.
Always wanting to change everything.
1076
01:10:02,573 --> 01:10:05,065
Anybody who lived with you wouldn't
have a thought he could call his own.
1077
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:06,197
What's that you said?
1078
01:10:06,326 --> 01:10:08,071
I said, anybody who lived with you
wouldn't have a...
1079
01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:10,956
Get that idea
right out of your head this minute.
1080
01:10:11,081 --> 01:10:13,454
Understand once and for all,
Mr Vandergelder,
1081
01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:17,410
I have no intention of marrying you,
not with your reputation.
1082
01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:18,922
I didn't mean that.
1083
01:10:19,047 --> 01:10:22,749
Well, you've been hinting around
at such a thing for some time now.
1084
01:10:22,885 --> 01:10:25,044
Stop talking like that.
That isn't what I meant at all.
1085
01:10:25,179 --> 01:10:28,134
Well, I hope not. I certainly hope not.
1086
01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:34,891
Oh, no, Mr Vandergelder.
You go your way, and I'll go mine.
1087
01:10:35,481 --> 01:10:37,106
Mrs Levi, you misunderstood me.
1088
01:10:37,232 --> 01:10:41,065
Oh, I'll admit, I'm one of the world's best
housekeepers and cooks.
1089
01:10:41,195 --> 01:10:46,190
And I'm not exactly a mud fence
when it comes to being presentable.
1090
01:10:46,575 --> 01:10:49,494
And I'll have quite a bit of money
from my case, I'll admit that.
1091
01:10:50,204 --> 01:10:54,072
But then, I have my various
business enterprises to look after.
1092
01:10:54,625 --> 01:10:56,832
Why should I give that up? For what?
1093
01:10:57,085 --> 01:11:00,538
You shouldn't.
Now I hope we understand each other.
1094
01:11:00,714 --> 01:11:03,206
Oh, if I thought of marrying again,
Mr Vandergelder,
1095
01:11:03,634 --> 01:11:06,671
it would be a much more
pleasure-loving man than you.
1096
01:11:07,262 --> 01:11:10,217
Why, I'd sooner marry
that unpredictable, heart-breaking,
1097
01:11:10,349 --> 01:11:13,018
man-about-town Cornelius Hackl
before I'd marry you.
1098
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:19,691
It's Mrs Levi. She's with Wolf-Trap.
1099
01:11:19,817 --> 01:11:23,946
I'm sick of hearing about the charming,
rich Cornelius Hackl.
1100
01:11:25,113 --> 01:11:26,657
He's an incompetent blunderer
1101
01:11:26,782 --> 01:11:29,903
that I keep working for me
out of the same kindness I would show
1102
01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:33,120
a dumb animal
unable to take care of himself.
1103
01:11:33,247 --> 01:11:35,205
Now that I think of it,
the first thing I'm going to do
1104
01:11:35,332 --> 01:11:37,124
when I get back to Yonkers is fire him!
1105
01:11:37,251 --> 01:11:39,659
Stop talking.
You're cooling off the vegetables.
1106
01:11:42,339 --> 01:11:45,175
Irene, I have an idea for, well,
1107
01:11:45,300 --> 01:11:47,460
for one of the famous
Cornelius Hackl escapades.
1108
01:11:47,594 --> 01:11:49,255
You know,
like pulling Jenny Lind's carriage,
1109
01:11:49,388 --> 01:11:50,385
only better.
1110
01:11:50,764 --> 01:11:53,387
Why not? Throw caution to the winds.
1111
01:11:53,892 --> 01:11:56,135
I hope it involves running.
I need the exercise.
1112
01:11:56,270 --> 01:11:57,469
Oh, of course it does.
1113
01:11:57,604 --> 01:12:00,855
Now, we're gonna go out
and get you two lovely ladies a surprise
1114
01:12:00,983 --> 01:12:02,561
that should make you
the toast of the town.
1115
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:03,892
Don't leave here.
1116
01:12:04,027 --> 01:12:07,896
- We can't go with you?
- No, no, it's too dangerous.
1117
01:12:08,198 --> 01:12:09,278
Much too dangerous.
1118
01:12:09,700 --> 01:12:13,401
In fact, this money is for the restaurant
in case anything happens to us.
1119
01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:16,073
- You know what I mean?
- I do.
1120
01:12:17,416 --> 01:12:19,623
What kind of a surprise, Cornelius?
1121
01:12:20,252 --> 01:12:24,465
Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be
much of a surprise, would it?
1122
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:27,710
But you can bet that
it'll be big and unusual.
1123
01:12:28,260 --> 01:12:30,170
Barnaby, what are we going to do?
1124
01:12:39,021 --> 01:12:40,184
Oh, no, Horace,
1125
01:12:41,231 --> 01:12:44,897
a complaining, friendless,
quarrelsome soul like you
1126
01:12:45,027 --> 01:12:46,902
is no sort of companion for me.
1127
01:12:47,821 --> 01:12:52,698
- No, you go your way, and I'll go mine.
- Stop saying that!
1128
01:12:54,119 --> 01:12:58,747
- I've lost my appetite.
- Oh, just listen to that music.
1129
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:02,751
You know,
my husband Ephraim used to say,
1130
01:13:02,878 --> 01:13:06,462
"There's nothing like a good dance
to bring back the appetite."
1131
01:13:06,965 --> 01:13:08,626
He was a wonderful dancer.
1132
01:13:08,842 --> 01:13:12,010
Dance? I haven't danced in 20 years.
1133
01:13:12,137 --> 01:13:16,006
Oh, I remember you in those days.
You were a wonderful dancer.
1134
01:13:16,141 --> 01:13:19,262
Now, come on, come on. That's the boy.
1135
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,754
Ladies and gentlemen, change partners.
1136
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,865
Do you come here often, miss?
1137
01:14:20,622 --> 01:14:22,616
This is your first time?
1138
01:14:26,128 --> 01:14:27,837
What's your name?
1139
01:14:32,050 --> 01:14:35,171
Come on, you're too cute to be shy.
1140
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:47,974
Oh, madam, you need a shave.
1141
01:14:57,784 --> 01:15:00,454
Ladies and gentlemen,
change partners!
1142
01:15:16,011 --> 01:15:18,503
Here comes a waiter.
Let's get out of here.
1143
01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:55,799
New York World! Read all about it!
Read all about the shipwreck!
1144
01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:59,084
Paper! Paper! Get the New York World!
1145
01:15:59,221 --> 01:16:00,882
Got a pencil and paper, Barnaby?
1146
01:16:03,016 --> 01:16:05,769
- What do you want it for?
- Turn around.
1147
01:16:06,937 --> 01:16:09,310
I'm gonna leave a farewell note.
1148
01:16:10,357 --> 01:16:12,683
Really farewell?
You're never going to see her again?
1149
01:16:12,818 --> 01:16:15,191
Oh, how can I after what I did?
1150
01:16:16,363 --> 01:16:18,357
But you didn't tell a lie, Cornelius.
1151
01:16:19,158 --> 01:16:22,113
Mrs Levi told her you were...
Told her you were rich and famous.
1152
01:16:22,244 --> 01:16:24,736
Well, I led her to believe it was true.
1153
01:16:24,872 --> 01:16:28,123
No, Barnaby, we're a pair of cads
and scoundrels and bounders.
1154
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:29,876
We deserve to be horsewhipped.
1155
01:16:31,044 --> 01:16:34,545
I got kissed, Cornelius,
and all you got was trouble.
1156
01:16:38,343 --> 01:16:41,464
- There.
- What'd you write, Cornelius?
1157
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:46,727
"My dear Miss Molloy, I came
to this city in search of adventure
1158
01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:49,979
"and found the finest monument
to womanhood I have ever known.
1159
01:16:50,647 --> 01:16:53,602
"Now I have defiled her
with lies and deceit.
1160
01:16:55,235 --> 01:16:59,020
"Yours forever, even though you
wouldn't want me, Cornelius Hackl,
1161
01:16:59,364 --> 01:17:03,149
"just an unhappy chief clerk
from Yonkers."
1162
01:17:03,911 --> 01:17:05,489
That's fine, Cornelius.
1163
01:17:09,750 --> 01:17:15,042
"PS: Barnaby Tucker
is a fine young man."
1164
01:17:18,926 --> 01:17:20,255
Well, I guess that's about it.
1165
01:17:20,385 --> 01:17:26,010
Cornelius, that PS,
I'm glad you think I'm a fine young man.
1166
01:17:33,398 --> 01:17:34,728
Doorman!
1167
01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:39,275
Would you deliver this note
to Miss Irene Molloy?
1168
01:17:39,404 --> 01:17:41,564
She's in the Venetian Room.
1169
01:17:48,705 --> 01:17:52,574
- Here's something for your trouble.
- Well, thank you, ma'am.
1170
01:17:59,007 --> 01:18:01,048
Well, Barnaby,
that was the last of our money.
1171
01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:03,090
We walk to Yonkers.
1172
01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:09,720
We've got one more stop to make.
1173
01:18:10,352 --> 01:18:12,761
We've got to take these things
back to the store.
1174
01:18:13,605 --> 01:18:17,189
Pardon me, but I have a personal note
for Miss Irene Molloy.
1175
01:18:17,317 --> 01:18:21,019
Oh, here. I'm Irene Molloy. Thank you.
1176
01:18:27,786 --> 01:18:30,574
Dolly, you're the most
exasperating woman I've ever known.
1177
01:18:30,706 --> 01:18:33,992
And you, Horace,
could be the most perfectly charming,
1178
01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:36,920
witty and amiable man
if you just wanted to be.
1179
01:18:37,045 --> 01:18:39,372
- I don't want to be charming.
- But you are.
1180
01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:42,841
Just look at you.
You can't hide it, at your age.
1181
01:18:43,510 --> 01:18:47,046
My age! My age!
You're always talking about my age.
1182
01:18:47,181 --> 01:18:49,305
Well, I don't know what your age is,
1183
01:18:49,433 --> 01:18:53,384
but I do know up in Yonkers,
with bad food and bad temper,
1184
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:57,270
you'll double it in six months.
Let's not talk about it any more.
1185
01:18:57,941 --> 01:19:02,569
But before we drop the subject,
there's one thing I am going to say.
1186
01:19:02,696 --> 01:19:03,728
Don't!
1187
01:19:03,864 --> 01:19:08,906
Sometimes, just sometimes, I might be
tempted to marry you out of sheer pity.
1188
01:19:09,661 --> 01:19:13,707
And if the confusion in your house
gets any worse, I may have to.
1189
01:19:14,041 --> 01:19:17,577
- I haven't asked you to marry me.
- Well, don't. Please don't.
1190
01:19:17,753 --> 01:19:21,289
Ernestina Simple was a very smart girl
when she married someone else.
1191
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:24,876
Oh, stop! You're not fooling me.
I know there's no Ernestina Simple.
1192
01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:27,420
Now, as I said before,
Horace Vandergelder,
1193
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:30,136
you go your way, and I'll go...
1194
01:19:35,103 --> 01:19:36,599
Irene Molloy!
1195
01:19:38,732 --> 01:19:41,853
Oh, why, Mr Vandergelder.
Well, fancy finding you here.
1196
01:19:42,444 --> 01:19:45,067
What a fortunate
and exciting coincidence.
1197
01:19:45,656 --> 01:19:49,239
- Good evening, Mrs Levi.
- Oh, good evening, Irene.
1198
01:19:49,368 --> 01:19:53,865
- May I join you?
- Oh, why not? Why not?
1199
01:19:59,253 --> 01:20:02,872
Will you excuse me, Miss Molloy?
I'll be with you in a moment.
1200
01:20:08,428 --> 01:20:10,469
Ernestina Simple, huh?
1201
01:20:10,597 --> 01:20:13,386
Oh, well, it was just one of those things.
1202
01:20:13,517 --> 01:20:15,843
And forget all about Irene Molloy?
1203
01:20:15,978 --> 01:20:19,597
Well, it seemed a good idea at the time.
1204
01:20:22,734 --> 01:20:24,562
The next time you send yourself
a telegram,
1205
01:20:24,695 --> 01:20:26,273
you'll pay for it yourself.
1206
01:20:26,405 --> 01:20:28,529
Good evening, Mrs Levi.
1207
01:20:48,552 --> 01:20:51,009
- Knock, knock.
- Oh, come in.
1208
01:20:54,975 --> 01:20:57,728
May I invite you to dance, Miss Molloy?
1209
01:20:58,937 --> 01:21:00,848
Yes, why not, Mr Vandergelder?
1210
01:21:01,732 --> 01:21:05,600
It's just as easy to dance
with a rich man as a poor man.
1211
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:08,525
My dear.
1212
01:21:18,332 --> 01:21:20,160
What is it, my dear?
1213
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:24,630
Mr Vandergelder,
is it true what they say about Yonkers?
1214
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,717
Is it really the most beautiful city
in the world?
1215
01:21:28,842 --> 01:21:30,717
London, Paris, Yonkers.
1216
01:21:31,553 --> 01:21:33,298
Come, come, come.
1217
01:22:21,979 --> 01:22:26,143
Ephraim Levi, this may surprise you,
but I'm going to get married again.
1218
01:22:27,401 --> 01:22:30,735
It may surprise him, too,
but I'm marrying Horace Vandergelder.
1219
01:22:31,905 --> 01:22:35,156
Oh, it won't be a marriage
in the sense that we had one,
1220
01:22:36,910 --> 01:22:39,616
but I think I can make him happy,
1221
01:22:40,205 --> 01:22:42,780
because I feel he needs me.
1222
01:22:56,263 --> 01:23:00,476
And, Ephraim, I'm tired.
I'm tired living from hand-to-mouth.
1223
01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:31,080
Money,
money is like the sun we walk under.
1224
01:23:31,590 --> 01:23:33,749
It can kill or it can cure.
1225
01:23:35,302 --> 01:23:37,876
Horace Vandergelder
never tires of saying
1226
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,766
that most of the people
in the world are fools,
1227
01:23:40,933 --> 01:23:43,341
and, in a way, he's right, isn't he?
1228
01:23:44,603 --> 01:23:47,095
But, you know, there comes a moment
in everybody's life
1229
01:23:47,231 --> 01:23:51,312
when he has to decide whether
he's going to live among human beings
1230
01:23:51,652 --> 01:23:52,898
or not.
1231
01:23:53,445 --> 01:23:56,020
A fool among fools or a fool alone.
1232
01:23:57,741 --> 01:24:00,660
As for me,
I've decided to live among them.
1233
01:24:01,370 --> 01:24:04,822
Oh, no, I wasn't always like this.
1234
01:24:05,374 --> 01:24:10,831
Oh, no. When my husband died,
I retired into myself.
1235
01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:14,790
At night I'd put out the cat,
1236
01:24:14,967 --> 01:24:17,885
and then I'd make myself
a little rum toddy,
1237
01:24:18,846 --> 01:24:21,219
and then I'd lock the doors.
1238
01:24:21,348 --> 01:24:24,551
And before I went to bed,
I'd say a prayer thanking God
1239
01:24:24,685 --> 01:24:25,848
that I was independent,
1240
01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:29,430
that nobody else's life
was mixed up with mine.
1241
01:24:31,316 --> 01:24:34,437
And then, when 10:00 sounded
from Trinity Church tower,
1242
01:24:35,279 --> 01:24:39,574
I'd fall off to sleep,
and I was a perfectly contented woman.
1243
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:45,534
And after about two years of this,
1244
01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:51,082
one night an oak leaf fell
out of my Bible.
1245
01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:56,211
I had placed it there the day
my husband asked me to marry him.
1246
01:24:57,176 --> 01:25:02,800
It was a perfectly good oak leaf,
but without life and without colour.
1247
01:25:03,932 --> 01:25:06,685
And suddenly I realised.
1248
01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:14,056
I realised that for a long time
I had not shed one tear,
1249
01:25:15,319 --> 01:25:17,396
nor had I been outrageously happy,
1250
01:25:17,529 --> 01:25:21,314
you know,
or filled with that wonderful feeling
1251
01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:24,820
that something or other
was going to turn out well.
1252
01:25:26,205 --> 01:25:29,290
I saw I was like the oak leaf,
1253
01:25:30,501 --> 01:25:33,787
and that night I decided
to rejoin the human race.
1254
01:25:36,215 --> 01:25:39,632
So, Yonkers, here I come.
1255
01:25:40,677 --> 01:25:43,798
People of Yonkers,
here I come with money.
1256
01:25:45,265 --> 01:25:50,509
Money.
Friends, if you'll pardon the expression,
1257
01:25:51,438 --> 01:25:55,022
money has always seemed to me
like manure.
1258
01:25:55,692 --> 01:25:57,401
You know, it's not worth anything
1259
01:25:57,528 --> 01:26:03,069
unless it's spread around,
encouraging young things to grow.
1260
01:26:04,243 --> 01:26:09,202
At least, that's the opinion of
the second Mrs Vandergelder-to-be.
1261
01:26:23,971 --> 01:26:25,086
Here you are.
1262
01:26:27,891 --> 01:26:34,227
Cornelius! Barnaby!
I thought I'd find you here.
1263
01:26:34,356 --> 01:26:35,851
Returning the girls' clothes, huh?
1264
01:26:35,983 --> 01:26:38,107
Oh, whatever we've done,
we're not thieves, Mrs Levi.
1265
01:26:38,235 --> 01:26:39,564
We had to return these coats
and things.
1266
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:40,894
Oh, of course.
1267
01:26:41,029 --> 01:26:43,237
But how'd...
Oh, you recognised us in the restaurant.
1268
01:26:43,448 --> 01:26:44,730
Well, certainly I did.
1269
01:26:44,867 --> 01:26:46,991
But I wish you'd stayed there
with Irene Molloy.
1270
01:26:47,619 --> 01:26:49,993
Oh, I couldn't do that, Mrs Levi.
Everything was all confused,
1271
01:26:50,122 --> 01:26:52,199
and I was just getting everybody
deeper and deeper into trouble.
1272
01:26:52,332 --> 01:26:54,041
Cornelius is very honest.
1273
01:26:54,168 --> 01:26:56,576
Just how do you feel about Miss Molloy?
1274
01:26:56,712 --> 01:26:59,630
Oh, I don't know.
I feel something very honest
1275
01:26:59,756 --> 01:27:00,753
and affectionate and uplifting.
1276
01:27:00,883 --> 01:27:02,378
Cornelius likes her.
1277
01:27:02,509 --> 01:27:05,511
Well, you know, in my way,
I like Mr Vandergelder.
1278
01:27:06,346 --> 01:27:07,676
Oh, yes, the window.
1279
01:27:08,223 --> 01:27:12,352
Mrs Levi, you don't. Are you fooling?
You like Mr Vandergelder?
1280
01:27:12,478 --> 01:27:14,637
I would never have guessed that.
Would you, Barnaby?
1281
01:27:14,897 --> 01:27:16,522
- Yup.
- You would?
1282
01:27:17,983 --> 01:27:21,104
The very young are almost as smart
as the very old, Cornelius.
1283
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:23,479
It's in the middle
that you get in all the trouble.
1284
01:27:23,614 --> 01:27:27,149
Oh, I know it. Well, Barnaby,
you and I'd better get going.
1285
01:27:27,284 --> 01:27:29,574
- We have a long walk ahead of us.
- Back to Yonkers.
1286
01:27:29,828 --> 01:27:34,290
Oh, if you'd care to join forces with me,
we could all ride together in style.
1287
01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:36,540
- Barnaby Tucker enlisting.
- Me, too.
1288
01:27:36,668 --> 01:27:39,587
Our first stop is
Irene Molloy's workroom.
1289
01:27:40,589 --> 01:27:43,876
We'll see if we can
find a window open back there.
1290
01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:48,346
I'd like very much
to see Yonkers sometime.
1291
01:27:48,806 --> 01:27:50,598
There isn't any reason why you can't.
1292
01:27:50,724 --> 01:27:53,892
Why don't I invite all of you
up to Yonkers tomorrow morning
1293
01:27:54,019 --> 01:27:55,598
to see my store?
1294
01:27:58,357 --> 01:28:01,478
Now, that's a very interesting idea,
isn't it, Minnie?
1295
01:28:01,610 --> 01:28:05,229
- Possibly. We might even see...
- Yonkers at dawn.
1296
01:28:05,364 --> 01:28:08,900
There's no finer sight on this Earth
seen from the porch of my store.
1297
01:28:09,910 --> 01:28:11,191
Oh! Thank you.
1298
01:28:15,541 --> 01:28:16,537
Expensive?
1299
01:28:17,126 --> 01:28:21,872
$93.20! $93...
1300
01:28:23,006 --> 01:28:25,961
- $93.20.
- And the tip, of course.
1301
01:28:27,719 --> 01:28:31,718
Why, a family of four could live
for three months on $93.
1302
01:28:33,475 --> 01:28:36,394
But Horace Vandergelder
always pays his way.
1303
01:28:37,604 --> 01:28:38,601
Ninety-three dollars.
1304
01:28:39,523 --> 01:28:44,565
Any man who can't pay for what he
needs is a failure, and a failure is a fool.
1305
01:28:44,695 --> 01:28:50,449
And I shall never be... That's funny.
1306
01:28:51,410 --> 01:28:52,905
Well, that's odd.
1307
01:28:53,036 --> 01:28:54,864
You've lost something,
Mr Vandergelder?
1308
01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:59,494
My wallet! It must've fallen.
Help me look for it.
1309
01:29:09,011 --> 01:29:11,170
I had it here in my pocket
when I came in here.
1310
01:29:12,222 --> 01:29:15,058
Three hundred dollars in $20 bills.
1311
01:29:18,645 --> 01:29:20,105
It must be here!
1312
01:29:20,230 --> 01:29:22,853
The waiter tells me
you are having some trouble, sir.
1313
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:26,443
Pickpockets! There are pickpockets
loose in this restaurant!
1314
01:29:26,570 --> 01:29:30,022
Mr Vandergelder,
I have some money of my own.
1315
01:29:30,949 --> 01:29:33,904
- A hundred dollars.
- Irene, that's the payroll money!
1316
01:29:34,077 --> 01:29:37,115
The girls will just have to trust us
for another week, Minnie.
1317
01:29:38,499 --> 01:29:39,495
For you.
1318
01:29:40,751 --> 01:29:41,997
For you.
1319
01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:46,537
Nothing like this
ever happened to me before.
1320
01:29:49,635 --> 01:29:52,969
Well, you learned one thing,
Mr Vandergelder.
1321
01:29:55,015 --> 01:29:59,310
A man can get along without his wallet,
but not without his friends.
1322
01:30:04,775 --> 01:30:06,235
Here we are.
1323
01:30:06,360 --> 01:30:08,603
Now, there's that's one.
Do you think two'll be enough?
1324
01:30:08,737 --> 01:30:12,818
There we are, we've got to get
the owl train for Yonkers.
1325
01:30:12,950 --> 01:30:16,236
But first we have to stop at my hotel
so I can change.
1326
01:30:16,411 --> 01:30:19,117
We better step lively. Here we go.
1327
01:30:36,682 --> 01:30:41,677
Hey, hey,
this don't look very decent to me, son.
1328
01:30:42,604 --> 01:30:44,764
- Decent?
- You'll have to find different seats.
1329
01:30:44,898 --> 01:30:48,149
I ain't going to be no party to any orgy
on the night coach to Yonkers.
1330
01:30:48,277 --> 01:30:51,279
Oh, conductor,
only one of these ladies is alive.
1331
01:30:52,156 --> 01:30:53,900
I don't know which one.
I'm too sleepy to tell,
1332
01:30:54,032 --> 01:30:56,607
but if you can find her,
you tell her to move.
1333
01:31:05,335 --> 01:31:07,578
Oh, Minnie, Yonkers at dawn.
1334
01:31:08,338 --> 01:31:11,542
This is it.
Vandergelder's of Yonkers, New York.
1335
01:31:11,842 --> 01:31:14,464
Tell me, Mr Vandergelder, where does...
1336
01:31:15,429 --> 01:31:17,636
I mean,
I suppose your employees must be busy
1337
01:31:17,764 --> 01:31:19,972
with hundreds of customers by now?
1338
01:31:20,100 --> 01:31:23,387
I'll show you the whole place,
from the back door to the front.
1339
01:31:25,606 --> 01:31:27,267
Mr Vandergelder.
1340
01:31:33,864 --> 01:31:35,525
This way, girls.
1341
01:31:40,370 --> 01:31:42,115
Follow me, ladies.
1342
01:31:47,044 --> 01:31:51,837
Before your eyes you see
almost $10,000 worth of merchandise
1343
01:31:52,341 --> 01:31:53,966
bought for cash.
1344
01:31:56,303 --> 01:32:00,681
Cornelius! Barnaby! On your feet!
1345
01:32:03,727 --> 01:32:08,556
Well, they're up early, I see.
Trained them well.
1346
01:32:10,609 --> 01:32:12,816
The silken, perfumed spot
1347
01:32:13,320 --> 01:32:16,192
where that international figure,
Cornelius Hackl,
1348
01:32:16,323 --> 01:32:20,025
reposes every night,
fighting off beautiful admirers.
1349
01:32:23,705 --> 01:32:26,624
What's that peculiar smell?
Excuse me, ladies.
1350
01:32:26,917 --> 01:32:29,670
Cornelius! Barnaby!
1351
01:32:38,178 --> 01:32:44,633
Good heavens! Oh, girls. Girls.
1352
01:32:44,810 --> 01:32:46,887
Come here! Come on!
1353
01:32:49,690 --> 01:32:50,687
Look!
1354
01:32:50,816 --> 01:32:53,771
There must have been
an axe murder in here.
1355
01:32:55,237 --> 01:33:00,778
Cornelius! Barnaby! Cornelius!
1356
01:33:03,370 --> 01:33:05,163
What's going on over there
across the street?
1357
01:33:13,005 --> 01:33:16,956
What is this? It can't be.
1358
01:33:20,846 --> 01:33:22,222
How's it coming?
1359
01:33:22,556 --> 01:33:24,882
We could only rent this place
for one day.
1360
01:33:26,393 --> 01:33:28,138
Oh, here he comes. Get busy.
1361
01:33:32,608 --> 01:33:35,277
Levi and Hackl. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute here.
1362
01:33:35,402 --> 01:33:36,814
What in the world's going on here?
1363
01:33:36,945 --> 01:33:40,149
Levi and Hackl's new store
is what's going on, Mr Vandergelder.
1364
01:33:40,282 --> 01:33:42,240
Honest business competition.
1365
01:33:42,367 --> 01:33:45,868
I can't believe my eyes
or my mind or my ears.
1366
01:33:45,996 --> 01:33:47,954
Oh, Cornelius.
1367
01:33:48,081 --> 01:33:50,787
- Hello, Irene.
- Hello, Cornelius.
1368
01:33:53,003 --> 01:33:56,088
Cornelius Hackl,
after the way I've been a father to you.
1369
01:33:56,256 --> 01:33:58,416
Fourteen hours a day
and never a night off?
1370
01:33:58,550 --> 01:34:01,718
- I made you chief clerk.
- Seven times.
1371
01:34:03,180 --> 01:34:06,348
- Did you read my note?
- Over and over and over.
1372
01:34:07,309 --> 01:34:10,430
It's the sweetest note I've ever had
the pleasure to read.
1373
01:34:10,562 --> 01:34:12,603
She actually knows
this Cornelius Hackl?
1374
01:34:12,731 --> 01:34:14,476
Oh, yes, she does.
1375
01:34:14,608 --> 01:34:20,149
- But... But that's impossible.
- I think you've lost Irene Molloy.
1376
01:34:20,656 --> 01:34:24,820
Oh, for the days when women were sold
in marriage for a few cows.
1377
01:34:27,412 --> 01:34:29,323
I don't believe anything
that's happened to me
1378
01:34:29,456 --> 01:34:31,331
since I left the store yesterday morning.
1379
01:34:31,458 --> 01:34:33,618
Oh, a lot can happen in 24 hours.
1380
01:34:33,752 --> 01:34:36,624
Dolly, Mrs Levi,
what are you all doing to me?
1381
01:34:36,755 --> 01:34:39,710
We're quitting you,
that's what we're doing. All of us.
1382
01:34:39,842 --> 01:34:41,218
Good morning to you!
1383
01:34:41,760 --> 01:34:44,429
- Good morning.
- Good morning, one and all.
1384
01:34:44,555 --> 01:34:48,850
Your honour, Malachi Stack requests
a moment with you.
1385
01:34:48,976 --> 01:34:51,515
You'll take the moment
on your own time, not mine.
1386
01:34:51,645 --> 01:34:53,057
Now, get over to the store
and get to work.
1387
01:34:53,188 --> 01:34:56,439
Now, it's about that matter of work
I wanted to discuss with you.
1388
01:34:56,567 --> 01:35:00,612
I'm a restless man.
I feel I should be moving on.
1389
01:35:00,737 --> 01:35:04,273
- I'll promote you to chief clerk.
- No, thank you, sir.
1390
01:35:04,408 --> 01:35:07,244
Malachi Stack reporting for work,
your honour.
1391
01:35:07,369 --> 01:35:08,568
You're hired.
1392
01:35:08,704 --> 01:35:10,863
You're all working against me!
1393
01:35:11,081 --> 01:35:13,205
I had ideas, Mr Vandergelder.
You never would listen.
1394
01:35:13,333 --> 01:35:14,366
Well, I'm going to turn this store
1395
01:35:14,501 --> 01:35:16,411
into the greatest little money-making
proposition in Yonkers.
1396
01:35:16,545 --> 01:35:18,206
- In the state of New York.
- The whole country!
1397
01:35:18,338 --> 01:35:20,498
- And I'll do the buying.
- I'm available if you need a dressmaker.
1398
01:35:20,632 --> 01:35:22,211
- I'll be chief clerk.
- We'll have a sale every month!
1399
01:35:22,342 --> 01:35:24,003
- Yes! And we'll give credit.
- Where credit's due.
1400
01:35:24,136 --> 01:35:26,592
Yes, you know, and nothing down
and then so much a month.
1401
01:35:26,722 --> 01:35:28,003
Free delivery!
1402
01:35:28,140 --> 01:35:30,050
- Lots of girl dummies in the window.
- Yes!
1403
01:35:30,184 --> 01:35:32,592
And the finest millinery department
outside of Paris.
1404
01:35:32,728 --> 01:35:35,481
Will you all stop talking?
1405
01:35:42,154 --> 01:35:47,529
If you're trying to show me
what a thorough idiot I've been,
1406
01:35:47,659 --> 01:35:52,369
well, you've succeeded. I give in.
1407
01:35:52,915 --> 01:35:55,039
I'll have a new sign painted
in the morning.
1408
01:35:55,167 --> 01:35:56,911
Vandergelder and Company.
1409
01:35:57,044 --> 01:35:59,417
- Hackl and Vandergelder.
- Vandergelder and Hackl.
1410
01:35:59,546 --> 01:36:02,632
- And an interest in the business.
- Dolly, I thought you were my friend.
1411
01:36:02,758 --> 01:36:05,001
Never mind sentiment,
we're talking business.
1412
01:36:05,135 --> 01:36:08,671
- Thirty-three and a third percent.
- Thirty percent and not a penny more.
1413
01:36:08,806 --> 01:36:10,633
- I don't care how hard you squeeze.
- Settled.
1414
01:36:10,766 --> 01:36:12,759
You've just made yourself
an agreement.
1415
01:36:12,893 --> 01:36:17,770
Cornelius, Levi and Hackl just went out
of business for Vandergelder and Hackl.
1416
01:36:18,315 --> 01:36:20,024
Barnaby! Oh!
1417
01:36:20,818 --> 01:36:23,107
Barnaby, you're chief clerk
with two nights a week off.
1418
01:36:23,237 --> 01:36:27,532
- Holy cabooses! Would you believe it?
- Mr Vandergelder, you won't be sorry.
1419
01:36:27,658 --> 01:36:30,031
I'll come to work at 5:00 in the morning
and I'll stay till midnight,
1420
01:36:30,160 --> 01:36:32,913
and on Sundays I'll think up things.
1421
01:36:33,038 --> 01:36:35,661
You're the best boss anyone ever had!
1422
01:36:37,584 --> 01:36:39,625
- You're a sweet man.
- You're sweet when you...
1423
01:36:39,753 --> 01:36:42,422
You've got the makings of a great man,
your honour!
1424
01:36:42,548 --> 01:36:46,000
Horace, I think you've finally decided
to become a human being.
1425
01:36:46,135 --> 01:36:48,971
Dolly, it feels nice to be nice.
1426
01:36:49,096 --> 01:36:51,386
I don't know how I got so far in life
without you.
1427
01:36:51,515 --> 01:36:54,636
Oh, you're just exaggerating.
You always had a heart.
1428
01:36:54,768 --> 01:36:57,604
You just kept it locked up in your safe.
1429
01:36:58,397 --> 01:37:03,107
Dolly! Dolly, you have a lot of faults.
1430
01:37:03,235 --> 01:37:05,394
Well, I never pretended I was perfect.
1431
01:37:05,529 --> 01:37:08,899
- You're bossy, inquisitive, scheming...
- Go on. Go on.
1432
01:37:09,032 --> 01:37:10,576
...but you're a wonderful woman.
1433
01:37:10,701 --> 01:37:12,908
Dolly, I've half a mind to ask you
to marry me.
1434
01:37:13,036 --> 01:37:14,615
Now, Horace, you stop right there!
1435
01:37:14,746 --> 01:37:17,239
Dolly, I know I've been a fool
about many things,
1436
01:37:17,374 --> 01:37:21,455
but, even so, could you possibly
consider being my wife?
1437
01:37:21,587 --> 01:37:23,082
Well, I don't know, Horace.
1438
01:37:23,213 --> 01:37:26,833
How do I know you're not just trifling
with my emotions?
1439
01:37:26,967 --> 01:37:29,886
- How do I know you're sincere?
- Make him prove it, Mrs Levi.
1440
01:37:30,012 --> 01:37:34,556
- Yes. Yes. On his knees.
- Will you excuse us, please?
1441
01:37:52,034 --> 01:37:53,659
Wonderful woman.
1442
01:37:56,371 --> 01:37:58,199
You're just partial.
1443
01:37:59,458 --> 01:38:06,256
- Oh, by the way, I found your purse.
- What?
1444
01:38:07,508 --> 01:38:12,503
Well, where did you...
You keep it. Keep it.
1445
01:38:14,056 --> 01:38:15,385
Oh!
1446
01:38:15,641 --> 01:38:18,559
I never thought I'd ever hear you say
a thing like that.
1447
01:38:19,937 --> 01:38:24,765
Horace, I'd be pleased and delighted
to marry you.
1448
01:38:31,406 --> 01:38:32,606
Well, here we are.
1449
01:38:32,741 --> 01:38:36,325
Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs Dolly Levi...
1450
01:38:36,453 --> 01:38:37,450
Born Gallagher.
1451
01:38:38,080 --> 01:38:40,702
- ...has consented...
- Finally consented.
1452
01:38:40,833 --> 01:38:42,743
...finally consented to be my wife.
1453
01:38:44,795 --> 01:38:47,797
- Well, Dolly, what's next?
- Well, nothing.
1454
01:38:47,965 --> 01:38:51,168
That's about the end of things.
There isn't any more complications,
1455
01:38:51,301 --> 01:38:53,094
and there isn't any more intrigue.
1456
01:38:53,220 --> 01:38:55,297
As a matter of fact,
there isn't any more movie.
1457
01:38:55,430 --> 01:38:58,883
But before you start
reaching for your hats,
1458
01:38:59,351 --> 01:39:02,554
there's one thing that we have to settle.
We've got to have a moral.
1459
01:39:03,147 --> 01:39:06,980
Oh, Barnaby, you're the youngest.
What would you say the moral is?
1460
01:39:07,526 --> 01:39:10,195
- I think the moral is...
- Tell the people, dear.
1461
01:39:10,904 --> 01:39:14,855
I think the moral is that everyone
should take a day off now and then,
1462
01:39:15,284 --> 01:39:18,451
and if you meet a pretty girl, kiss her.
1463
01:39:20,747 --> 01:39:22,124
Irene?
1464
01:39:23,208 --> 01:39:27,207
I think...
I think it's that life is like a new hat.
1465
01:39:28,255 --> 01:39:30,961
You never know if you have the one
that really suits you
1466
01:39:31,091 --> 01:39:33,417
if you keep trying it on
in front of your own mirror.
1467
01:39:34,052 --> 01:39:37,672
That's very good.
Oh, Horace, what about you, dear?
1468
01:39:37,806 --> 01:39:40,678
I've changed,
but not as much as you think I have.
1469
01:39:41,101 --> 01:39:44,637
I believe this is the moral.
Love is nice to have around the house,
1470
01:39:44,980 --> 01:39:47,270
but there's really no substitute
for money.
1471
01:39:49,026 --> 01:39:51,518
Well, Cornelius,
you're the happiest one here.
1472
01:39:51,653 --> 01:39:53,197
You should have the last say.
1473
01:39:53,822 --> 01:39:56,030
I think it's about adventure.
1474
01:39:56,158 --> 01:39:58,235
The test of an adventure is
that when you're in the middle of it,
1475
01:39:58,368 --> 01:40:00,825
you say to yourself, "Oh, gosh,
now I've got myself into an awful mess.
1476
01:40:00,954 --> 01:40:02,913
"I wish I were sitting quietly at home."
1477
01:40:03,248 --> 01:40:04,792
Yes. Yes, it is.
1478
01:40:04,917 --> 01:40:07,753
And the sign that something's wrong
with you is when you sit quietly at home
1479
01:40:07,878 --> 01:40:10,417
wishing you were out
having an adventure.
1480
01:40:10,547 --> 01:40:13,585
So, I hope that in your lives
you have just the right amount
1481
01:40:13,717 --> 01:40:17,170
of sitting quietly at home,
and just the right amount of adventure.
1482
01:40:17,304 --> 01:40:18,930
And he's perfectly right.
1483
01:40:19,181 --> 01:40:22,468
So, whatever you people have
in your minds, get out and do it!
1484
01:40:23,060 --> 01:40:27,639
Don't just sit there. Go do it.
But please don't tell anyone I told you.
1485
01:40:28,816 --> 01:40:32,268
- I hope you had a good time! Bye!
- Bye! See you!
1486
01:40:32,945 --> 01:40:34,737
Don't forget! Save your money!